Biting lips and twitching cocks. Yep, another Fifty Shades of Grey book has been released.
When I was assigned the very-important-journalistic-task of reading Grey, E.L. James’ newest book, that’s the colour my face went. Because as the resident prude-in-residence at Mamamia, I can’t even mention the word peen without going a bit wobbly at the knees.
But I am nothing if not professional. So naturally I marched confidently into the bookstore to proudly purchase the latest installment of the people’s porn.
E.L. James’ new book has been out for precisely one day and it’s DEFINITELY a really well-considered tome. It’s DEFINITELY NOT just something whacked together in a hasty attempt to spin out another few million dollars from a one trick penis pony. Cough.
Our brilliant-but-damanged billionare playboy is back at it again with his bumbling submissive, Ana. Except this time, the book is written from HIS perspective. It’s pretty much just E.L.James sitting back, lighting cigars with $100 bills and joking ‘You know what? I can’t be rooted coming up with another storyline. Let’s just roll out the exact same story told slightly differently.’
Here’s the rub:
It’s pretty much exactly the same as the old book. All your favourite scenes are there: stalking in the hardware store, her getting drunk and having a vom in the club, the bit where he whips out her pesky sanitary product because he clearly sees it as a non-essential item (and hence is FOR the GST on it).
There’s lip biting and thrusting and groaning and the phrase ‘I rubbed against her sex’. Ew.
The main difference is while in the last book there were feelings, Christian is a big ‘ol dirty potty mouth. To the point where I imagine that on E.L. James’ keyboard, the letter’s F U C and K would be worn away to little nubs.