At least one scene involves a peeled vegie up the bum.

EL James’s

cynical money-making ploy

retelling of Fifty Shades of Grey from Christian’s perspective has arrived.

And judging by what the critics have to say, we’re guessing the reviews will be far more entertaining than the book (which is called Grey if you’re dashing out to the shops).

With delightfully cringe-worthy prose like this, though, it was always going to be an easy target:

“She studies me for a moment as if she’s solved the riddle of the sphinx.” So deep.

“An image of her shackled to my bench, peeled gingerroot inserted in her ass so she can’t clench her buttocks, comes to mind.” So sexy.

“I grab the box and the note and head for my study. I will handle this better from my seat of power.” So commanding.

Scott Bryan has reviewed the piece on Twitter, by extracting the most extraordinary parts.

Via Buzzfeed/ Scott Bryan

It’s fair to say the reviewers really haven’t known what to make of Grey. 

There are the reviewers who weren’t into it – at all:

And this:

But then there are those reviews that take it next level:

Scott Bryan is transfixed:

But some people are into it:

And our personal favourite:

We can’t wait to get our hands on this literary masterpiece…

Oh my.

Will you be reading the new Fifty Shades book?

Want more? Try these:

Rosie Reviews: Fifty Shades of Grey.

Mia Freedman on 50 Shades of Grey: “Am I the only one who didn’t have a problem with it?”

Lisa Wilkinson reviews 50 Shades of Grey movie: “It’s more appalling than appealing”.