When it comes to romantic relationships, there’s one thing we ought to remember.
You get to choose three things.
If you get more, that’s a bonus. If you get less, it won’t work.
I’ve termed it the ‘Three Things’ relationship theory and it goes like this: When finding a partner, perhaps one you’d like to spend the foreseeable future with, you get to choose three qualities that mean the most to you.
They might be; a great sense of humour, an intellectual equal, a wonderful conversationalist, a mind-blowing sex life, a perfect housemate, a great travel companion, a best friend, financial stability, overwhelming attraction, the life of the party, a confidante – the list goes on.
I discuss my relationship theory on this week’s episode of Mamamia Out Loud. Post continues below.
But you can never, no matter how hard you look, find someone who has every quality.
The cultural blueprint of what romantic love looks like is entirely misleading. We are socialised to expect a soul mate who is something other than human; flawless and all-encompassing.
They will fulfil you, we’re told, offering a life you could never have imagined.
You’ll stay up until 3am talking about the universe, and politics, and religion, while intermittently having the best sex of your life.
You’ll be overwhelmed with your attraction to them, while also understanding them to be your best friend – the person in the world with whom you share everything.
They’ll be the ultimate roommate, and travel partner, and parent, and friend, and additional family member, and shopping companion.
You’ll agree on everything, of course, and share all the same values, except whether to store the bread in the fridge or the cupboard, which just leads to a wonderful, harmless argument, leaving you both in stitches.
You’ll laugh harder than you’ve ever laughed, but they’ll implicitly know how to behave when you cry harder than you’ve ever cried.