As a straight woman, I have questions for lesbians.

I’m sure that lesbians get asked questions all the time that make them roll their eyes. But, I want to know stuff like, what it’s like to fall in love with a woman? Do lesbians joke about straight people? If lesbians are attracted to women, why is it that some of them look butch? And, what does a vagina taste like?

So, I sent out a call to theMamamiacommunity to answer some of our burning questions, and since then, my inbox has never had more emails in it. We had hundreds of women wanting to be our official, “lesbian correspondent”, as they put it.

If you’re a little bit nosy like me, then let me share with you some of the beautiful, hilarious and sometimes, incredibly sad, responses that we got. (FYI: Let me just reassure that my intention is pure. It is not to offend, just to learn.)

To begin, this was a piece that a woman wrote to me, anonymously.

If you want to listen to the full episode of our bonus show, then listen below. Post continues after audio.

The first time I woke up next to a woman, it was amazing and terrifying. I literally tried to melt into the wall beside the bed. She reached over, grabbed my hand and said, “It’s OK.”

Of course, it was. For days afterwards, I walked around with this thrilling secret. I felt like a different person.

People ask what it feels like to come out; to realise you’re gay. For me, it was terrifying, exciting and pretty confusing. I was a late bloomer. I dated guys right up until the age of 26. By 28, I was out. Even though I found it hard to say the L word I was definitely a lesbian, albeit one with L plates.

There’s a lot you have to learn when you come out, not just the whole sleeping with women stuff which is an education in itself. To fall in love with a woman, I felt more like me.

Perhaps a more eloquent description, I heard from someone recently, was the first time they slept with a woman they realised they had been playing an instrument and using only one string. Now they were using all of them.

Do you remember what it feels like to fall in love the first time, to lose your virginity, to not be able to think of anything else? That’s exactly what it was like; I was experiencing a second adolescence.

It felt dangerous snogging women in bars, staying out until all hours and going into work wrecked. I had to figure out what my type was, while trying to figure out what type I was.

The first time I went out to a gay bar in London, a butch woman pinned me up against a wall and said, “What are you doing here? You’re straight. Get out.”

When I asked why, she said anyone wearing a skirt and dangly earrings couldn’t possibly be gay. But I was. I loved kissing women. They have really soft lips. There’s no stubble. And I had dates that went on for days. And when I met my wife, I knew I was done. This was the person I wanted to grow old with. This was my favourite person in the world and she still is.

That’s one of my favourite essays that I received. However, you can’t ask someone’s beautiful essay questions. Luckily, Lissy Elliott came to the rescue. She’s a-41-year-old lesbian mother of two.

What I found out really surprised me from awful social encounters to her internalised homophobia.

We covered it all.

Monique: Is there anything I can’t call you? What’s offensive?

Lissy: Nothing is offensive to me but I can only speak on behalf of myself. I’m very playful, stupid and I think all those phrases, like lezzo, are really funny.

The funny thing is, I I often use the word gay. I usually call myself gay because lesbian was always such a nasty term at school that I feel a bit slightly cringey about using it.

For the ease of everyone else, it’s probably easier just saying lesbian.

Monique: Do you and your lesbian friends joke about straight people?

Lissy: An old friend of mine and I used to call people chigger – we just made up a word. We would look at feminine women who were wearing the latest fashions and call them chigger sh*t because we thought they looked like sheep. But they were probably looking at us saying, “Look at those dykes, look at those lezzos.”

Scroll through to see well-known lesbians in the entertainment industry. (Post continues after gallery.)

Lesbian Women We Love

Ruby Rose and Jess Origliasso

Cynthia Nixon and Christine Marinoni

Jane Lynch

Monique: If you love women, why do some lesbian women dress like men?

Lissy: I’m very feminine now. But I’ve come full circle because I started learning about patriarchal oppression. At the time I was thinking long hair, skinny body, big tits, makeup, high heels all epitomised patriarchal oppression.

At one point, to get a nose ring and to wear the uniform felt like I was symbolically gesturing to the broader community that the patriarchy can go get f*cked.

I’ve come full circle now because when when my first girlfriend and I broke up, I wanted to grow my hair. I was a bit worried that nobody would know I was gay. They will all look past me – they won’t know at a glance that I’m gay. That’s another reason I think that some women like to wear the uniform because they can tell, in an instant, that you’re gay.

Monique: What happens if you fall in love with a woman and you’re not sure if she’s a lesbian?

Lissy: It’s so hard. I’ve done that a million times. Basically, you just have to get to know them because eventually, through conversation, that will come up.

The best thing to do is not go too fast, too soon but it’s really hard when you’ve got a massive crush on them. It becomes obvious whether they’re interested in you or not.

When I got the courage to kiss my first girlfriend back 1995, it was a party and we spent the whole night dancing and drinking. We were suddenly holding hands, then gradually we were sitting down and then, suddenly kissing.

It wasn’t one person making the move on the other person, it just happened at the same time, together.

Monique: Do you perv on women?

Lissy: Yes. But, my female and males friends objectify women in a completely different way. I have male colleagues point out a really attractive looking woman, but for all the stereotyped reasons.

If a really hot looking woman comes in, I flirt with her, I’ll not be able to breathe properly. I’ll do all the things that anyone else does when they’re attracted to someone else.

Listen: Pornstar and sex-worker extraordinaire Madison Missina discuss what it’s like being lesbian and still having sex with men in porn. Post continues after audio.

Monique: What is it that you love about women?

Lissy: Where do I start? Personally, it’s just a wavelength thing. I just love being on the same wavelength. It’s so amazing being with a woman because, just like your friends, you tell them everything. They’re beautiful. They smell good. They’re not hairy. And even if they are hairy, their hair’s better than men’s. They taste and smell great.

Monique: Do men flirt with you and do you flirt back?

Lissy: Yes. But I’ve been in a 10 year relationship, so I find anybody flirting with me really, really, good. I take it where I can get it.

Monique: How much discrimination do you face on a day-to-day basis?

Lissy: On a day-to-day basis, pretty much none. Normally, I often forget that I’m gay because I’m getting by in my everyday life. I blend in because I don’t wear a uniform, anymore.

I could only count a handful of times that I’ve been discriminated against or found something very homophobic. Probably, the clearest one has been not being able to put Nikki on Indie’s birth certificate. But, that was four years ago and that has changed now.

As far as nasty or offensive behaviour, we were at a wedding and Nikki introduced me to an old school friend. As her husband walked away, the old school friend said to us that her husband really wanted to see us kiss.

I just thought they were joking. We were in the church and I got so upset by it. I felt like saying, “Well, why you give him a headjob and we’ll watch right here in the church.”

Monique: What about when women kiss each other for the titillation of men?

Lissy: I hate that. I got used to it because you have to see it all the time. I was in an amateur theatre show and two girls who weren’t even in the play came to our after party. All the guys who were in the play, ran over with their phones and were all taking photos. Here I am, sitting with my girlfriend, wanting the floor to swallow me up because it was so embarrassing.

I’m all for women kissing each other but not specifically for men. It cancels out our everyday frustrations. They don’t have to go through everyday frustrations but they can just have a big old party pash, just for boys to look more sexy.

Monique: When do you stop yourself from doing big public displays of affection?

Lissy: It’s not because I’m worried what people think, it’s because I can’t be bothered with the stares. If I hold my wife’s hand in public or put my arm around her, I drop it because I can’t be bothered. If