User Comments

anitalink73 May 4, 2023

Why do you feel the need to justify yourself to anyone?
If you are truly comfortable with what you are doing then a comment from someone you haven't interacted with in five years should be like water off a duck's back. If you are doing what suits you and your family best right now, that is all that matters.

anitalink73 April 28, 2023

No need to martyr yourself or apologise. 

anitalink73 April 23, 2023

Good to see some writing about experiences with caesareans. But please don't generalise. I too have delivered two babies by caesarean sections. I have had no changes to normal sensation around the scar. I have also never experienced incontinence. Not immediately afterwards and not now 13 and 16 years later. I also generally refuse to enter into any discussion about why I had caesarean sections or why both of my children were breast fed for a total of 7 days each before being weaned onto formula. Women waste too much time and energy worrying about how their children will be born and fed. Neither matters.

anitalink73 May 31, 2022

Give me my teenager and tween over a baby and a toddler any day. Unclenching and relinquishing control over everything is difficult but also freeing. By the time they are teenagers you know them much better than when they were toddlers and you know what works and what doesn't for each child. Ultimately you do your best with each child, but you don't really  control how things work out for them. 

anitalink73 May 15, 2022

This is a great article, which will help destigmatise Borderline Personality Disorder. It's just a pity the title/headline is stigmatising and clickbaity. Before the reader even gets to the article it implies a selfless mother who has given everything is then treated inapropriately by her daughter who lives with this heavily stigmatised illness. Surely the talented team of Mamamia journalists can find something kinder to draw eyeballs to this important piece of writing?

anitalink73 March 24, 2022

Why do people care what people outside their relationship think? As long as both partners are happy with the division of labour and childcare and are happy in the relationship, who cares what comments a random person makes. Don't martyr yourself, and sure correct them, but it's such a waste of energy getting upset about this. Nothing good comes from hanging your sense of self and your happiness on external validation.

anitalink73 February 23, 2022

Hi Emily,

Thank you for sharing your experience. Not enough first person accounts of postpartum psychosis (or psychosis in genera) exist. I also experienced severe postpartum psychosis with my first baby, with a sudden onset between days five and seven. I also had no prior history of mental illness. 
Through sheer luck and the privilege of being able to afford private health insurance all of my experiences took place in the private hospital system. I have written and spoken extensively about my initial experience, the challenge of deciding to have a second baby, and my eventual diagnosis with Bipolar 1 Disorder. If you are interested, you can find some of that writing and my contact details on my website  
Wishing you and your family all the very best!

anitalink73 December 26, 2021

Beautifully articulated. Unfortunately we need to accept that we have no more control over whether our  friends and family get the Covid vaccine than the strangers we walk past in the street. And just like the antivax stranger, convincing them to change their mind is going to be near impossible. 

anitalink73 September 10, 2021

This sounds like a horrible experience, and yet whether intentionally or not it is filled with stigmatising language: 'raging lunatic, completely mad, crazy woman' As someone who has experienced postnatal psychosis and bipolar 1 disorder, it is always immensely frustrating to come across women who have experienced (debatably) milder symptoms than psychosis and mania and who give the impression they feel  they are better than 'the really crazy people who need hospitalisation, ECT, and longer recovery times'. Your experience isn't necessarily better or worse than ours, but you are definitely neither a better person or in a position to judge or feel pity for us. Please think about your language when you write about mental illness. 

anitalink73 August 17, 2021

None of these opinions communicates underlying abuse. So none of them are wrong. And as for unpopular - it would be interesting to see a list of 'popular' opinions. It would be hard to come up with one because what seems 'popular to one parent will be wildly unpopular to another. These are just different parenting approaches. What works for one child and family, is a disaster for another. No need for any of us to be justifying what we are doing, to each other as long as what we are doing works for us, our child(ren) and our family.

anitalink73 June 16, 2021

You know your kids and your family best, so do what you feel is right for them. There is no need for angst or defensiveness over whether debit cards are right or wrong for kids. For some kids they will be perfect, for others a disaster. Make a decision for your kids and just get on with it. You don't need the rest of the world's approval to parent your kids.

anitalink73 March 25, 2021

This is better than the usual passive aggressive, infantilising fare that has been served up by women on social media on this topic recently (think the excruciating documentation of the woman trying to teach her husband to feed his dog) This is direct and honest and because of that may actually get some positive response. Well written!

anitalink73 March 19, 2021

As a small animal vet: The best diet for your dog is a high quality dry biscuit, something like hills science diet, water, and (if your dog tolerates them well) fresh raw bones for their teeth. You are wasting everyone's time, energy, and to be honest a lot of words in your article on preparing fresh food for your dog.
As for the distribution of mental load: You mention that in your four years off you shouldered 100% of the domestic load. Why? Did you both consider your husband less of a parent or part of the household in that time? If he worked long hours, he may not have been able to do as much of it as you, but does that mean he should have done nothing in that time? If he had been living in a hypothetical share house instead of your family during the time he worked long hours, would his housemates have been happy to do his laundry, dirty dishes, and feed his dog?
So maybe setting the bar so low during those years is making it harder now? The martyrdom of women shouldering and complaining about the mental load is real. Change your dog's diet for everyone's sake - including your dog's. Tell your husband if he doesn't feed his dog you will report him to the RSPCA. If you stop treating your husband like a an inept toddler, he might stop acting like one. 

anitalink73 November 20, 2020

Thank you for highlighting this problem. I am privileged and can afford private health insurance, which has over the last fourteen years covered tens if not over a hundred thousand dollars for private hospital admissions to manage the Bipolar 1 Disorder I live with. Just one of the five different medications I take daily, costs $35 per week. Thanks to the high standard of psychiatric care I can access, I live a happy, highly functioning life. But not everyone can afford private health insurance. At the moment good quality mental health care is means dependent in this country, and it needs to change.

anitalink73 August 15, 2020

Could not agree more. Breast feeding propaganda can be immensely damaging to new mothers and the benefits of breast over formula feeding  are overstated for most babies. This recent Thought Food article may be of interest to any new mother who is struggling with breast feeding and is being told by pro breastfeeding organisations to 'just keep going' :

anitalink73 July 16, 2020

@bittersweet I am sorry you had to go through that, and it sounds as though walking away was the right decision. Ultimately everyone is responsible for their own mental health, and no one else can force someone or persuade someone to take that responsibility seriously if they don't want to or if they are just too unwell. Early diagnosis and appropriate treatment give someone the best chance at achieving insight and taking responsibility. Sadly, stigma surrounding mental illness - especially those extending beyond anxiety and depression - can get in the way of people seeking help, and if they do and don't get the right care they need early on it can make them resistant to seeking help later. 

As an aside, it is  more appropriate to refer to someone as 'living with Bipolar Disorder' or even ' having Bipolar Disorder' rather than referring to them as a 'bipolar person'. It may seem like an insignificant difference but it contributes to stigma surrounding mental illness and is equivalent to referring to someone living with cancer, as a 'cancerous person'.

Anita Link July 28, 2018

Well said. We do have a long way to go, but will get there if we continue to generate open discussion. Hearing from people who have a mental illness, especially a complex mental illness is so incredibly valuable. Thank you for reading and commenting.