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REAL OR RUBBISH: The flaw in the tabloid's claim William and Harry haven't spoken in 250 days.

Because it’s Friday and it’s been a long week, we’ve got a new drinking game.

It’s called Real or Rubbish.

The idea is this: there seem to be a lot of juicy royal stories around at the moment that make the Queen and her kin out to be a scheming, feuding family from a reality TV show. Possibly titled Keeping Up with the Kommonwealth.

So, we thought it’d be helpful to very seriously investigate the biggest royal stories from this week and find their flaws to figure out if they could actually be real, or if you should wrap up your chewy in it and chuck them in the bin.

From Prince Harry and Prince William’s 250-day long silent treatment to the people who genuinely think Meghan Markle’s baby bump is a sack of potatoes, let’s dig in.

1. Will and Harry haven’t spoken for 250 days.

harry-and-william
I darkened the colours in this photo of Harry and Wills to make it looks more 'angsty', but this was taken on... Remembrance Day. Yeah. Image: Getty.

Look, there is no way to know beyond a shadow of a doubt if a tabloid's claim Will and Harry haven't spoken in 250 days is legitimately true. Other than that it's a steaming pile of sh*t.

To quickly recap, News.com.au reports British tabloid The Sun reckons things are "so frosty" between the brothers that they're "barely speaking" and have not spent any time together just the two of them since Harry's wedding day in May, 2018.

There are... so many things wrong with this, but let's start with the 'not having spent any one-on-one time together' since the royal wedding.

A) Prince William has three small children. Small children require constant attention and supervision, which means when you invite someone over to catch up (because going to the pub or a cafe with kids means bringing your entire spare room of stuff along too), there will be little people with you while you're talking.

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Ergo, Wills and Harry likely wouldn't be 'alone' while laughing about the ALL CAPS text Prince Charles sent them both.

B) The idea that the only way brothers or male friends can meaningfully catch up is on their own over beers is redundant. Why must the time they spend together be one-on-one in order for their relationship to function?

C) Prince Harry is still kind of a newlywed. Newlyweds want to be near their spouse as much as possible while the novelty is still there. Can you blame 'em?

Then there's the issue of the Princes' physical locations. And how Wills and Harry have 'full-time jobs' that require them to be in separate time zones at any given moment.

In the last 250 days, Prince Harry and Meghan Markle travelled all around Australia, New Zealand and the South Pacific. They also, presumably, had a quick honeymoon, and trekked up and down the UK working on various projects, as have Will and Kate.

Kate Middleton also gave birth to a child, an activity that takes up a lot of time. As a single, childless person, if my single, childless friends and I can't manage to nail down a time to catch up, how could they?

Also - just because working royals can't share selfies of themselves hanging out on Instagram, doesn't mean they don't hang out. I'd bet a lifetime of hot dinners the brothers have their own WhatsApp chat full of boomerangs of Prince Louis projectile vomiting and the vintage car Harry's working on in the shed.

I'm sure of it.

Side note - this montage of Harry and William growing up together is further proof that their adorable bond could never be broken. Post continues after video.

Video by MMC

2. Meghan Markle is faking her pregnancy.

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This week, another British tabloid The Mirror brought to light the very concerning news that Twitter trolls genuinely think Meghan is faking her pregnancy.

"I've had quite enough of this utter fakery!" says a Twitter user by the name of Jammy. "This is TREASON."

Other quotes to support the conspiracy theory include:

"I have two college degrees and one master degree. I also speak three languages. I'm definitely 'educated' and still think everything about Meghan is fake, including her pregnancy."

"I wonder if Harry's in on it with her or if she's keeping it from him too that she's faking her pregnancy."

"Twice she crouched right down, first to pick up a dog. Look how far she leans. The she bends down with her coat open, you can see how squished her tummy is. That would NOT be possible with a baby in there."

Wait... what?!

This has to be utter rubbish because, firstly, Twitter is the junkyard dump of the internet, but also, what would Meghan's end game be if she was faking her pregnancy (which she's not)?

Moving right along.

3. Princess Eugenie is pregnant.

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Because all relationships exist on a linear timeline - meet, get engaged, get married, buy a house, impregnate - the newly married Princess Eugenie must be with child. She simply must.

This week, The Sun reports Princess Eugenie and husband Jack Brooksbank have 'Euge news' because bookies have dropped the odds on their royal baby announcement to a record low.

Why? Because of an Instagram post Eugenie captioned with, "what a year it’s been since then and how exciting for 2019."

...

...

...

...

Nah, this is rubbish.

I'm excited for this year, too. Mostly because 2018 was a pretty average. My womb also happens to be vacant and has no plans for accepting tenant applications anytime soon.

4. Meghan Markle's new press secretary is really, really ridiculously good looking.

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This one is, well, it's true.

The Duchess of Sussex has indeed hired a new press secretary. One who is probably good at his job, but as twitter noticed when pap shots of him and his new boss leaving a restaurant appeared online, also happens to be quite handsome.

Christian Jones is his name, and his official title is Deputy Communications Secretary for The Duke and Duchess of Sussex Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, and The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge Prince William and Kate Middleton.

Let's make this clear - it's likely this man didn't get the job because of his appearance - he's previously worked in British Government, first as the Chief Press Officer at the Treasury from 2014-2016, and then as a speechwriter for the Department for Exiting the European Union a.k.a Brexit.

It's just a coincidence the photos of him and Meghan give off a Netflix Bodyguard, yes M'aam vibe.

On that note, that's this week's round up of Real or Rubbish.

Until next time, stay vigilant.

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