A Canadian woman who shared a truly memorable pooping-on-the-first-date story on Twitter is now lamenting her sudden rise to fame.
Tweeting from her personal account, Makela shared the story of a recent date that started with dinner, moved onto her hiding poo in her handbag and finished with her date laying his love for her on the line.
But mostly poo in a handbag.
“I have a story to tell,” Makela began. “It is about my poop.”
“So yesterday, I went on a date with a man who asked me out in the grocrery store the other day. All was going well. I went back to his place,” she continued.
“I am a confident, calm and self-assured woman… so I felt comfortable popping [sic] in his bathroom. This was a mistake. His toilet did not flush.”
Of course it didn’t Makela. Don’t you know the course of true love never runs smoothly?
“Properly. So, of course, like any calm, confident self assured woman. I panicked. And flushed it a million times, making everything worse,” she continued.
“By this point, I was really frantic because I had been in there for too long. There was only one single piece of poop. So in that moment, Something came over me. And I knew exactly what I had to do. I got toilet paper and removed the one poop from the toilet.
“Once that was done I realized I didn’t have a plan, What do I do with it now? I can’t fucking leave it there.
“By this point I was REALLY freakking out because I’d DEFINITELY been in there too long. So, again, making another horrible decision. I did the only thing I could think to do. I wrapped it in multiple layers of toilet paper, and put it in my purse.”
Of course you did, Makela.
Because nothing says I’m self-assured quite like carrying a hand-wrapped log of your confidence poo around in a fancy first-date bag.
While part of me wishes this story ended with her date’s dog stealing the poop from her bag and running around with it, refusing to give it back to her and eventually settling down onto some white carpet, unfortunately it seems that first date guy doesn’t own a dog. So, points deducted for you, dude.
It could be worse, you could get your pants stuck around your ankles. Post continues after video…