You will surely come.
I didn’t have sex for four years. Nothing. No sexual contact with another person, or with myself, for four years. Not one orgasm. Okay, maybe a wet dream once… I’m not sure. During these four years there was such little blood flow to my vagina that my inner labia had all but shrivelled into two tiny pieces of what resembled pickled ginger from a sushi bar. Why did I not have an orgasm for four years? The contraceptive pill.
At 17 I wanted to be a nun and remain a virgin. I was drawn to religion and there was something about giving my life to something bigger than me that pulled at my heart. Then just shy of turning 19 I lost my virginity because as much as I wanted to give my life to something bigger than myself I also wanted a family. Few women I know have an amazing experience losing their virginity, I was no exception. So impactful was my first sexual experience that I didn’t have sex years after. At that time, I had never had an orgasm and you can’t miss what you never had, right?
Then along came Sex in the City. I spent my early 20s watching every episode. It told me that a woman was meant to be strong, sexual and independent, to somehow give off the impression that I didn’t need a man in my life yet my every move should revolve around finding a husband. It told me that sex was for personal pleasure (mostly his) and to have a good story to gossip about with my female friends. I was meant to be dating more and delighting men with sex. I resent letting this show influence my idea of what a woman should be but I can’t blame the show entirely. It was only a reflection of where society was at the time. I’m just worried we haven’t moved on enough because most of society still views sex as something we do solely for personal pleasure (mostly his).
So, now in my 30s, after my four years of no sex, not one orgasm, I decided to stop taking the contraceptive pill. With-in a month of stopping it, my sex drive was OFF THE CHARTS. Those four years of abstinence were about to abruptly end as I logged on, to window shop for sex, on Tinder. In the 12 months following I had two sexual partners.
I am completely paranoid about getting an STD and visited a GP after ending each partnership, to be tested just in case. Each time I’ve been met with uncomfortable lectures about safe sex as the GPs, both male and female, struggled to maintain eye contact with me. I thought we were past this. How can a GP be this uncomfortable talking about sex? You are okay to shine an eye watering bright lamp in my vagina and reach up to scrape my cervix during a pap smear but sex… oh my gosh no.
After 12 months of not taking the pill I was feeling great in most aspects but I had some issues with my period and three GPs suggested I go back on the pill. Two of those GPs were women. Given my past experience I felt uncomfortable to broach the subject but a little voice inside me told me I deserve to have a healthy, fulfilling sex life and should speak up.