Father. Mother. Baby. This writer switches perspectives on a domestic situation to make her very controversial point.
This parenting post may be among the most divisive you’ll ever read. It was originally posted by Lottie Daley who is a “Hypnobirthing teacher and lactivist” (breastfeeding activist) with her own blog. While Mamamia is not endorsing the message that the post is promoting, it sparked a passionate debate in our office. We’d like to hear your thoughts.
WARNING: This post uses analogies to family violence. Some readers may find it triggering.
I read a conversation on Facebook this morning that grabbed me so hard I just had to post it.
Sophie: My husband left me alone crying until I threw up.
Jess: But I bet you can now self soothe!
Sophie: I’m too scared to make a noise next time.
Jess: Happy husband happy wife hun x
Kate: How inconsiderate of you to expect him to comfort you. I bet you expected him to clean up your sick as well didn’t you? How utterly selfish!
Kate: And I hope he hasn’t made eye contact!
Jess: I’m sure it won’t do you any harm
Kate: I know other people who have done it and it didn’t do them any harm. Tough love.
Jess: Well my husband did it to me and I’m ok. And my cousin’s son’s neighbour’s auntie’s dog’s kids’ husband did it and their kids are fine too!
Sophie: He made me sit on the stairs for ages earlier too, because I was joking around.
Kate: He needs to show you who’s boss hun. You’ve got to learn xxx
Lisa: I know how you feel. I refused to eat my dinner earlier because I wasn’t hungry, so now I’m not allowed anything until tomorrow. I keep telling my boyfriend I’m hungry but he just ignores me. I’ve started to cry now but he still won’t let me eat anything.
Top Comments
I liked this article. Not because of its material, but what I got from it. Pediatricians tend to tell parents to let the baby cry it out, and that they will eventually go to sleep on their own, or to put their foot down in order for the child to eat their dinner
I know because I am a mother. I've had people tell me these things since my son was a baby, and yes I did rock him to sleep every night for hrs and continued until he didn't wake up. I offered him veggies, but didn't force them, time out was a daily thing, but not over done, but I see the message this article is trying to send. I think parents give into others opinions on how they should parent and go against their own instinct because they're just to tired to keep giving the child what it's crying for. I am just glad I didn't let my child "self sooth" himself to sleep, or ignore his crys in the night. I am glad I let him sleep with me until he was 7 and made his own dicission to sleep in his own bed by himself. Children aren't inconveniences, they're gifts and should be treated as such
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For me, while I think this article is completely illogical (i.e. children are not adults!), I think there is a worthy point about the difference between child abuse and lovingly helping a baby/child to slowly grow in their independence.
For me, any time that discipline involves a baby or child (or frankly, another person) being scared, that's abuse. There's never a need to frighten a child.
I read an amazing story about one of the first female soldiers in the US Army, a real trailblazer who had to deal with huge amounts of abuse and criticism throughout what has become a stellar career. She says her secret was to always respond to bad behaviour with assertiveness and humour. What a brilliant combination. Works for babies and small children too. Assertiveness to make it clear that you're serious, and humour to help win them over and avoid using fear.
At my child's daycare centre, a father there once told me how his son was having trouble toilet training, so every time he wet his pants he'd take his kid out into the garden and hose him. In the middle of WINTER! And he said that even though his kid was crying and scared (he actually acknowledged he was scared), that in the end it worked. Yes, fear can be effective. But THAT's abuse, in my view.