I’m a problem solver. I get off on puzzles, I want to fix things, and I love to analyse and solve problems – even big, hairy professional problems. It’s a natural born skill, and one that has proudly been a cornerstone of my career.
So, it’s perfectly natural that I would look for answers and reasons behind every problem and difficulty in my private life too. If you know why a problem has occurred, you are more able (potentially) to find solutions and preventions. Right?
But what do you do when there are no reasons? When there’s no sense to something? When no one, including you, has the answers, or more wishfully, a solution?
To me, raising a son with ADHD has been a continuous cycle of searching for reasons behind problems, and hunting for solutions to those problems. It’s largely been just a very long, straight road to nowhere.
Watch: Be a good mum. Post continues below.
Where I’ve constantly come unstuck (and unravelled; maybe even a little unhinged at times) is in asking him the killer question, “Why?”
Why did you do that?
Why did you say that?
Why are you making loud animal noises?
Why did you leave that there?
Why did you leave that behind?
Why didn’t you do what I told you?
Why don’t you sit still?
Why did you call out in class?
Why did you get up and walk around when you were told to sit down and concentrate?
Why didn’t you do your homework?
Why did you leave your homework at school?