I haven’t the faintest clue what it might feel like to live with a penis. Even so, I found myself flinching and groaning and clenching my stomach muscles in imaginary pain reading men’s stories on Reddit.
The topic? “What’s the most painful experience your dick has had?”
Sure, there are the sex stories of over-excitement and misplacement. There are also masturbation stories of over-activity and painful lubrication – including one guy who microwaved a plastic bottle of lotion and then stuck his penis inside of it (that particular thrill-seeker got badly burned).
But the more unusual stories are the ones that make you squirm. Even without the strange and wonderful appendage, you’ll cringe reading some of these scenarios.
Brace yourself. They are painful and it’s impossible to look away.
Classic misadventure… Or maybe not so ‘classic’
Not me, but I was playing with magnets with my friend and he thought it would be hilarious if he stuck two together on his dick. Somehow, he got one inside the slit, and he was so incapacitated by the pain that he couldn’t pry the other off. He had to go to the hospital. I was being a good friend and laughing my ass off the entire time. – Ultimate_Chimera
I saw a friend tear his dick while drunkenly riding a jagged cow sculpture. Seeing that made my dick hurt more than anything that’s ever happened to me. – Stranger_in_a_van
I was doing the worm in fourth grade during recess to impress ladies. While oscillating the length of my body on the grass, the skin on the head of my penis pinched on itself with the weight of my body. I did my best to play it off. After I got home from school, I looked at my penis and the entire head was purple. – OneFineLad
Having kids and pets
Having a child. Her feet and knees are like ball-seeking missiles. – Starsy
Top Comments
Finally, my big chance to contribute to penis stories and I've got nothing to add ... oh hell, that came out all wrong.
But you've got a great personality.......
... and my mum always told me I was handsome in the right light, so I've got both those going for me I guess. :o)
That last one is cruel....! 😥