I haven’t the faintest clue what it might feel like to live with a penis. Even so, I found myself flinching and groaning and clenching my stomach muscles in imaginary pain reading men’s stories on Reddit.
The topic? “What’s the most painful experience your dick has had?”
Sure, there are the sex stories of over-excitement and misplacement. There are also masturbation stories of over-activity and painful lubrication – including one guy who microwaved a plastic bottle of lotion and then stuck his penis inside of it (that particular thrill-seeker got badly burned).
But the more unusual stories are the ones that make you squirm. Even without the strange and wonderful appendage, you’ll cringe reading some of these scenarios.
Brace yourself. They are painful and it’s impossible to look away.
Classic misadventure… Or maybe not so ‘classic’
Not me, but I was playing with magnets with my friend and he thought it would be hilarious if he stuck two together on his dick. Somehow, he got one inside the slit, and he was so incapacitated by the pain that he couldn’t pry the other off. He had to go to the hospital. I was being a good friend and laughing my ass off the entire time. – Ultimate_Chimera
I saw a friend tear his dick while drunkenly riding a jagged cow sculpture. Seeing that made my dick hurt more than anything that’s ever happened to me. – Stranger_in_a_van
I was doing the worm in fourth grade during recess to impress ladies. While oscillating the length of my body on the grass, the skin on the head of my penis pinched on itself with the weight of my body. I did my best to play it off. After I got home from school, I looked at my penis and the entire head was purple. – OneFineLad
Having kids and pets
Having a child. Her feet and knees are like ball-seeking missiles. – Starsy
When I was about 11 I had a ball python named Monty (unoriginal I know, I was 11). One night I stupidly decided to take a bath with him.. Got butt naked and hopped in the tub with a few inches of water in it. He seemed to be enjoying it, climbing all over me and then settling down with his back half partly in the water and upper half on my legs. Unbeknownst to me, as I relaxed in the tub, Monty was coiling up and preparing for dinner. Of course you can see where this is going…
All of a sudden I feel a clamp and stinging on my dick. He had mistaken my 11 y/o child dick for a feeder mouse. I immediately flipped out, jumped up, and started screaming. I was in panic mode. Monty thought it was a challenge and tried to snuff the life out of my donger. Outside, my mom hears the panic and comes running in… Not knowing what to do and see this crazy situation, she tries to help any way should could and picks the back end of him up while I manage to pry his jaw open with my fingers. The situation happened very fast, zero to 100 within like 30 seconds. Thankfully no permanent physical damage or scarring… only mental, and knowing that that will forever be in my mum’s memory. There was only a tiny amount of blood, but fortunately I’m uncircumcised so he didn’t bite down on the real sensitive part. Moral of the story: Always feed your snake before you take a bath with it. – Or you could just not take baths with snakes, RestlesslyRelaxed
Complacency whilst zipping up…. Ouch I don’t wanna talk about it anymore. – Pun_Crasher_Disaster
Yeah, I’ve zipped up before. Hurt (and bled) like hell! – Cyanocittaetprocyon
Was playing a doubles tennis match. The guy at the net smashed a lob straight at my tip and sent me into a warm feeling state which made me feel like sh**ting myself on the spot. – Andytwix