As an avid viewer of Bachelor In Paradise, who has just finished watching tonight’s episode of tears and tantrums and terribly-contrived-rose-ceremony-speeches (I’m looking at you, Turnbull) I have some feelings that I’m feeling so hard they need to be written down and shared with strangers because FEELINGS.
I get that Nina doesn’t want to kiss a man before she has known them for a month. I get that she has her beliefs and values and ideas of what a first kiss should be like. I get that she doesn’t want to hand out her #tongueskillz to any tatted-up, tipsy semi-stranger. I also get that she told her chosen dude, Eden, as such approximately 296 times.
That’s fine. You want to wait to kiss the person you’re seeing? Fine. If Nina doesn’t want to mack on in front of an army of television cameras and producers, that is fi-iiiine.
Watch the moment Eden confronts Nina. Post continues after video.
We all have different ideas of what a romantic relationship should look like. Some people adopt the “try before you buy” method (me… I’m talking about me), others the “wait, wait, wait and then waaaaait some more” approach (ala Nina). Different strokes, folks, etc.
It’s also fine that Eden would really rather just kiss the woman he’s spending so much time with.
“You’re asking me for affection. And that’s not fair,” Nina argued.
In choosing to withhold really all affection and intimacy, Nina must accept the reality of that decision: Many, many men will not be cool with waiting 30 days for a peck on the lips. That doesn’t make those men selfish. Or pigheaded. It doesn’t indicate that they “only want one thing” or “only think about sex” or can’t develop a rational thought beyond their willy. It means they have a different approach. It means they don’t want to potentially waste 30 days only to find out there is zero sexual chemistry and you’re someone they’d rather play UNO with.
If I was single, and a man told me he wanted to wait 30 days before we kissed, I’d walk away. No judgement or malice – just not my style.
Zara McDonald and I recap the glory of this week’s Bachelor in Paradise. Post continues after video.
But when Eden decided the wait was too tough (they’ve been on the island for 10 days now and other couples are literally romping in the showers) Nina was irate.
So irate that Eden gave his rose to Elora, and effectively sent her home, Nina took the opportunity to… well… kinda slut-shame another woman for her different approach to dating.
“If all you want is someone to pash you in a second, then I’m not your girl,” Nina said on tonight’s episode. “Have fun with Elora.”
And after that?
“I’m super pissed off, and I think at the end of the day that just proves the type of guy Eden is. If you’re not gonna put out, he’s sending you home.”
I don’t think this was a matter of ‘putting out’, it was a matter of feeling wanted. For some people – I’m one of them – feeling wanted relies on affection and intimacy.
Nina is within her right to say no to kissing. But Eden is also within his right to say “well that’s not for me” without being cast as a bad guy.
Rejection is tough, I get that. But when you set up hurdles for a person you’ve known for 10 days, you can’t be too surprised when that person looks at the hurdles, shrugs, and wanders towards the people having all the shower sex.
It doesn’t mean that person is evil, it just means that person isn’t for you.
Realising that as soon as possible is a good result for everybody.
Am I the only one feeling for Eden right now?