21 things you'll feel deep in your soul if you're a sleep-deprived new mum.

When it comes to your baby’s sleep (or lack thereof), we’ve all most likely been on the receiving end of unwarranted advice – am I right? This can be especially grating if you’ve got yourself a notorious non-sleeper. 

Most of the time, we know the advice is coming from a loving place. Regardless, pretty much anything will piss us off while in the thick of torturous sleep deprivation.

Here are just a few pieces of not-so-helpful advice I’ve been given, as well as other tragic scenarios that sum up the complete and utter carnage that is the first year of parenthood with no sleep. 

Watch: Things mums never hear. Post continues below.

1. When someone tells you all their retrospective sleep horror stories.

 Are you trying to traumatise me?

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2. And then tells you of all the sleep regressions you’re yet to encounter.

The end is not even in sight – great. 

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3. When someone tells you that their child didn’t sleep through the night until they were 5 years old.

So, you’re saying I have many more years left of this. That’s really helpful, thank you. 

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4. Or explains to you how you’ll have the reverse problem when they’re 15 years old.

This has no relevance or bearings to my current situation.

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5. When someone tells you to sleep when the baby sleeps.

So not sleep at all? Got it. 

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6. When someone whose baby slept through the night tries to give you advice. 

Please, you hit the baby-sleeping jackpot. 

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7. When a friend casually drops in that their baby is sleeping through the night.

Damn you!

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8. When someone tries to make you feel ungrateful for desperately wanting your sleep back.

Sorry, I didn’t realise that now I’m a mother I should willingly forgo my basic human needs.

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9. When someone makes you feel judged for co-sleeping.

I was under the impression that as I birthed this child I had parental rights to make my own decisions. 

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10. Or for rocking and feeding your baby to sleep.

Mate, it’s easier said than done. 

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11. Don’t even get me started on all the conflicting opinions out there on sleep training. 

No topic will divide a mother’s group circle faster though. 

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12. When someone tries to trivialise your lack of sleep.

Ohhhh soon I will forget all of the sleepless nights? I’ll sleep so much better tonight knowing that.

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13. When a friend tries to compare your sleep deprivation to working night shift.

At least you can sleep during the day to make up for it. 

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14. When your baby skips their nap and you know you're in for a shocker. 

Good times ahead. 

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15. When someone revs up your baby while you’re trying to wind them down. 

Do that again and I will hurt you. 

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16. When you finally get your baby to sleep and everything in the house decides to creak. 

That’s it – we’re selling the house. 

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17. When you turn on the TV and it’s on maximum volume.

TURN IT OFF TURN IT OFF TURN IT OFF.

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18. And then you drop something.

I hate everything right now.

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19. When your partner is snoring away as your baby wakes up crying.  

SORRY, didn’t mean to elbow you just now. 

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20. When you can’t sleep because you know your baby will wake soon.

I now have exactly 34 minutes until the baby wakes.

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21. When your baby gives you a great big smile it’s all forgotten.  

Their cuteness is definitely a survival mechanism. 

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To all the sleepy mums out there, remember sleep deprivation is a form of torture and you’re completely entitled to feel exhausted, delusional, angry, bitter and maybe even a touch remorseful. 

Just make sure you’re seeking the support you need and never be afraid to ask for help. Of course, just to add to the useless advice you’re most likely receiving, “this too shall pass”. 

Feature Image: Getty