'Most people think new mums need a mothers group, but it's mums of teens.'

Do you ever wonder if we got the timing of mothers groups all wrong?

As a mum of four, including one teen and three tweens, I have my fair share of parenting dramas to deal with. I have so many questions that I value the advice and input from others. I am constantly googling random things like, 'How often should a teen go to the gym?' and 'How many hours should a teen sleep a day?' 

This is why I think we've got the timing of mothers groups out by about 13 years.

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Do new mums need a mothers group?

New mums need a mothers group for company, not advice.

I loved my mothers group. They kept me sane. Hanging out at each other's houses filled in the hours between naps. We would sign up for baby swimming, baby yoga, and baby music classes together just for things to do.

We'd spend hours comparing notes about:

• Projectile vomiting.

• The colour of baby poo.

• How much the babies slept (or didn't sleep).

• Whether to establish a routine or let the babies decide.

Despite whatever advice we sought or gave, it made zero difference to the babies. The babies still did what the babies wanted. As the mums returned to work and moved to the burbs (in my case, the other side of the world), we all lost touch. 

Some mums get lucky and stay connected to their mums' groups through to their teenage years. I’m envious.

Bigger kids, bigger problems.

As a mum of a teen, I find myself in desperate need of a mothers group.

Our gorgeous primary school kids transform practically overnight into grunting, frequently starving, ever-so-forgetful teenagers. This transformation naturally occurs as they are making new friends whose parents we've never met.

Unlike primary school, there is no standing in the playground talking to other mums at pick-up. There aren't 'play in the parks' so you can get to know the kids and parents. And even if you meet the friend's parents, you can guarantee they will have changed friendship groups by the following week.

Mums can find themselves on their own, looking around for any help we can get.

Image: Supplied 

The topics, and questions, that mums of teens groups would discuss:

Instead of the typical mother's group discussion around sleep routines and milestones, what would we discuss?

Topic #1: Mental health.

What are the signs of depression and anxiety? How do I get them to talk to me about it? What can I do to support the kid's mental health and wellbeing? 

Topic #2: Social media.

How much time is too much? Explain BeReal to me? Do I worry they’ve never met people they are on Snapchat with? Does all this online chat help them connect with their mates or lead to FOMO?

Topic#3: Friendships.

Do you know your kids' friends? Can I influence their friendships? How do I make sure they have friends that make them feel good about themselves? Do they have enough friends?  

Topic #4: Dating and sex.

When is too young for a relationship? How often do you chat about sex? Have you bought them condoms/birth control? Is it weird to let them have sleepovers? Do you turn a blind eye or tell them you know what’s going on?

Topic #5: Consent.

What age do I have the conversation about consent?  Is there a way to talk about consent without my teen rolling their eye?  How do I give them the confidence to say no, or to change their minds? Do they know they have the right to feel safe?

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Topic #6: School work and studying.

How much homework do they do? What subjects should they choose? Will their subjects impact their future? What are the different pathways available for their careers?

Topic #7: Partying.

How late is too late to be out partying? Can they go out with friends, or do I ring the parents first? Do I pick them up from a night's out or let them Uber home alone? Do I provide alcohol or turn a blind eye?

Topic #8: Jobs and pocket money.

How to find time for a part-time job? Should they do jobs at home to earn pocket money, or do I just give them money?  Should they be allowed to spend their money on whatever they want or do I hide it away?

Topic #9: Life after teens.

What will we do with all our free time? Where to travel when the kids are finished school? When will we be able to downsize from the family home? Will I move to my dream area or stay put?

So many, many topics to discuss. The more I think about this, the more I need a mum of teens group in my life to share the highs and lows of parenting teens.

Want to join me? 

Angela Eves is a mum to four crazy humans and two even crazier golden retrievers. Requires coffee to function. Believes everything is better when coloured, from hair to walls, and anything in between.

Feature Image: Supplied