The worst New Year’s Day of my life started with my then-boyfriend calling me a horrible word at a New Year’s Eve party, while my mother and daughters were in the next room laughing and dancing with a crowd of our friends.
This was in response to me asking him to put down his phone and be present at the party, rather than spending the whole night texting, and wondering what could be so important to text about on New Year’s Eve, anyway.
The next morning I found out. The girl he was cheating on me with was threatening to tell me everything – which she did, in a guilty and apologetic email that I read while lying in bed with a champagne headache – and he’d been frantically trying to talk her out of it. Happy New Year to me.
Mamamia staff share the one thing their partner doesn’t know. Post continues after video.
There’s nothing good about being cheated on, but finding out was a huge relief – and that, at least, felt good. A puzzle piece had been fitted into place. Here was the reason he’d been behaving so strangely, doing things like taking me out to a fancy restaurant and then picking a fight, all the while insisting that I was the one acting weird. I was so grateful to the girl he’d been cheating with for telling me, that I forgot to even be angry with her.
Why do some people have affairs? In the case of my ex, I think he couldn’t resist the idea that someone else wanted him. That, combined with his alcoholism and feeling neglected by me, was a recipe for destruction. Then again, some people don’t believe humans are cut out for monogamy in the first place – and maybe they’re right.
I’d hazard a guess that most people have either cheated or been cheated on at some point in their lives – whether it was a full-on affair, a drunken makeout session, a sexting habit, or an emotional affair.
The reasons people cheat are many and varied; it’s hard to pick out a common thread as to why (though, according to science, there are certain indicators someone is more likely to cheat than others). Here, 12 men attempt to honestly explain why they had affairs.
1. Young and stupid.
“I don’t even know, honestly. Young, dumb, and drunk I guess. It was tough, but I told her the next day. Things were rough for a while but we got through it. I don’t drink without her now. I tend to be pretty calm and mild throughout the day, but the moment I start drinking it turns into a sh*t storm and I have no idea why.”
Listen to Mamamia’s new podcast Overshare – where three women share too much information. Post continues after audio.
2. The anti-monogamist.
“I’m really not good in relationships. It wasn’t always that way; it’s just that the first two women I was with cheated on me. I didn’t even really have hate for the women, just felt hurt. I guess I developed a mindset that if I couldn’t trust women and they were likely to do it again in the future, I might as well not deprive myself. I grew rather cold and indifferent to the whole concept of monogamy.”