It’s Tuesday the 20th of July 2021. 16 months after WHO officially declared that we’re in a pandemic.
We may all be weathering the same storm as a nation, but in no way are we in the same boat.
Ask any Melbournian how they are right now, and my guess is they’ll be feeling about as good as an extra on the Titanic - at best.
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Freezing – hello (again) winter lockdown - very much out at sea and clinging for dear life to a piece of driftwood with no f**king idea what they’re supposed to be doing or how they’re going to survive.
The mass sentiment around Melbourne right now is that lockdown 5.0 can EAD and that the seven-day extension can eat two. So, for your sake, and for mine, here’s what you shouldn’t say to a Melbournian.
1. Look at the loaf of sourdough/croissant/thrice cooked souffle I just baked!
The culinary joys of popping a loaf of bread in the oven… on your WFH lunch break… that you’ve had proving from the night before… is so 2020 for someone living in Melbourne.
We spent 111 days leaving sourdough starters on each other’s doorsteps in our 60 minutes of exercise for the day (if we were fortunate enough to live within 5km of each other).
We then moved onto some sort of fancy homemade cake before finally just ending up at enormous m&m cookies that we’d cut off a prepackaged slab and thrown in the oven to eat with our bottle of Aldi wine for dinner.
We get it. Baking is fun. For a few weeks.
2. Let’s Zoom/FaceTime tonight.
How ‘bout let’s not! Five lockdowns in, Melbournians have learnt to retreat. Retreat, hibernate and do whatever else they need to do to get through.
We barely hear from our fellow Melbournians because even the slightest whiff of obligation is enough to send us into a spin.
Our emotional plates are well and truly overloaded. Some are cracking under the load. Most have already broken.
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If we want to see your face, I’m sure we have a picture of you somewhere on our phones, and if we need to talk to you, please trust that we’ll pick up the phone and call.