Yesterday was a big day. It was International Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day. It was also the day that The Duke and Duchess of Sussex announced they are expecting their first child.
The internet married the two events and people were divided. Some felt the timing was incredibly insensitive and that the couple could have chosen 364 other days to share their happy news.
As someone who has had three losses, three unsuccessful rounds of IVF and a lot of heartbreak, yesterday morning I gave some thought to the little lives that were so nearly my children. It was a melancholic moment I shared with myself.
Then at around 6pm came Harry and Meghan’s announcement.
While I absolutely believe that the women who feel the timing was insensitive have very valid reasons, I don’t feel that way.
For me, lots of days are remembrance days.
Like when your due date rolls around but you don’t have a baby in your belly.
When you go on the baby moon you’d booked in happier times, but it’s just you and your husband now.
When the pain consumes you at 2am because you’re so utterly exhausted by the whole process after years of disappointment.
A large part of living with loss and infertility is learning to cope in the real world. That involves unexpected curve-balls every single day. It’s about learning to move through the period with grace and also realising that other people’s good fortune isn’t in spite of you.
For me, I have worked very hard to put aside the ‘it’s not fair’ narrative I was ruminating on for years to learn to be genuinely happy for other women and other couples. That’s work I do with myself every single day. Even on Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Even when there’s a global pregnancy announcement I can’t hide from.
And if nothing else, let’s spare a thought for Meghan.
Pregnancy is the terrifying unknown, and she’s experiencing it for the world to see. I’d be willing to bet Meghan is a little frightened right now, and any woman who has been through those anxious times knows exactly how she’s feeling.
I know I do.
If you or someone you know has lost a baby, and is looking for support, Mamamia urges you to contact SANDS.