But Mamamia has learnt through entirely fictional sources the real reasons behind many of the exclusions.
We’ve discovered that Haz is concerned Barack Obama will show him up on the dance floor with his style and grace, and ask Megs for a dance – which, to be honest, just sounds completely selfish because that’s something we all want to see.
Megs is worried that British PM Theresa May has been fan-girling her too much, and simply cannot be trusted to not smother her Instagram (@T-girl_MaybeBaby) with selfies with the Suits star that she will undoubtedly insist on taking all freaking night.
Whilst we’re unsure if Donald Trump meets the definition of a political figure, he’s also been excluded. According to our dodgy sources, it’s because there is simply not enough room in the whole of Windsor Castle to accommodate his ego and delusion, (although it must be noted that his small hands wouldn’t need much space). Sounds fair.
The political leader of our country, Malcolm Turnbull, has also been excluded. Because he’s our man, our sympathies are with him more than any of the others. Our official LOLs sources tell us that Mal is at this moment in his mansion in Point Piper, snuggled in a terry robe and drinking a spiked hot chocolate, gravely unwell with a serious case of FOMO.
LISTEN: Meghan Markle isn’t inviting the British PM to her wedding, isn’t asking for presents AND has a single grey hair…
It is a sad day indeed for the world’s most powerful people.
Finally, our completely fictional sources have confirmed that the exclusion of political figures has absolutely nothing to do with:
- the fact that Haz is merely 5th in line to the throne;
- Megs and Haz just want the most meaningful 600 people in their lives to witness their blessed union;
- Megs and Haz think that politicians get enough perks, and wanted to surrounded themselves with decent people like extraordinary and heroic tragedy survivors and charity workers; or
- Windsor Castle’s St George’s Chapel is significantly smaller than Westminster Abbey, where Kate and Wills, who, as the first in line to the throne, were obliged to stick to royal protocol and invite the universe, were married. (But it sounds like a legit excuse, doesn’t it?)
Mamamia encourages everyone to ignore politics f0r a day and see these world leaders as the humans they are by acknowledging their cruel exclusion from the most royal wedding since that chick on The Nanny married that British dude, using the hashtag #PutOutYourCaviar.