We are down to top nine of MasterChef Australia 2020. That may seem like an odd point at which to call the winner. But hey, we're just that invested.
Below, I have compiled a list of whose unbalanced/under-seasoned/shallow-flavoured dish is going to send them home next; from Sunday night's all-in street-food elimination, right through to the finale.
No matter what happens on Masterchef, we'll always have Katy Perry. Relive the magic of her episode below. (Post continues.)
'Based on what?' I hear you ask.
I could walk you through some highly advanced modelling based on past performance and predictive analytics, but I didn't actually do any of that.
Instead, I used a mix of womanly instinct, unashamed favouritism and a few spoilers from The Daily Mail.
So here we go. In a very particular order...
9. Khanh Ong
A forensic analysis of the promo for Sunday night's episode has led me to conclude that Khanh is going home next.
By which I mean they're setting it up to look like Emelia is going which means she definitely isn't, and there are lingering shots of Khanh, and the words 'fan favourite' are used.
AND the tabloids have reported that he doesn't make the top six... and... and... I just have a hunch.
8. Tessa Boersma
Tessa is probably the most versatile cook in the joint.
Technically skilled, intuitive, knowledgeable. I don't anticipate a major stuff up sending her home.
She will likely only be felled by someone else pulling, as Andy would say, "a really cracking plate of food" out of their backside.
7. Callum Hann
...will still be happy when he leaves, because he's Callum.
The mums of Australia, meanwhile, will be very sad because "he just seems like such a nice boy".
6. Brendan Pang
Sweet, Brendan. You are too good for reality television.
Run, run far away. (Preferably towards my house, say, around dinner time...)
5. Reece Hignell
This one will hurt most of all.
But at least we will get an uplifting montage of his best moments; like that time he hid beneath his bench when Katy Perry approached, and that time he won two challenges in a row and someone said, "It's Reece week" and he replied "Oh my god, it IS Reece week."
That was fun.