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I’m honestly considering skipping the rest of this season’s The Bachelor, because how can it still be good without Mary, a.k.a the greatest narrator of our time?

The woman who brought us lines such as “Another day without a date, another day surrounded by panties” and “Rachael’s lips are so big because they are full of secrets” left the Bachie mansion on Thursday night’s episode and it’s just so sad.

The silver lining? Mary's departure meant I finally got to speak to the woman who I would like to narrate my life, please and thank you, and it was GREAT.

Laughs were had, zingers were made and most importantly, tea was spilled.

Mary's one-liners are the best part of this show, don't @ us. Post continues below video.

"I'm such a shit stirrer," she laughs, and yes she is but we love her for it. There's a lot of goss to get through, so strap yourselves in.

What's Abbie really like?

Abbie's been involved in almost all of the drama this season, and Mary reckons it's because she's playing the game a wee bit too hard.

"Like I said, 'And the Oscar goes to... Abbie!' She's a great actress girl, I'm telling you. As soon as the cameras and Matt are around, it's Abbie the actress. She gets in and she turns it on for him to make sure she wins because everything is a competition for her. It's like 'Abbie, please girl, get it together'."

Mamamia recaps this week on The Bachelor. Post continues below audio.

Also, Mary 100 per cent does not believe that Abbie is ready for marriage and kids like she has told Matt she is.

"She's 23, she's such a young girl, loves partying. That's what started the whole drama, because she talks about how she loves partying but then in front of Matt she's like 'yeah, I'm ready for marriage and kids'. She's not being genuine because she's concentrated on winning him. I think there's two different personalities, she wasn't being real in front of him.

"I hope that he's watching and he's seeing how she's playing because you can clearly see that this girl likes when he gives her attention, so she's doing everything to grab his attention. I hope he can see now that we were telling the truth, that she was a bit of a player."

So, about that Rachael and 'Plan B' thing...

YASSS, THIS IS SO GOOD.

According to Mary, Rachael's ol 'Plan B' game was a long one, beginning at the cocktail party the week before.

"What happened at the cocktail party [the week before] when Cass went home, Rachael had her number written on lots of little papers and gave them to some of the girls, for if we see 'Plan B' to give it to him," she says.

"She had some extra ones in a drawer too, with her name and number. I didn't give mine, because I was like 'I'm not doing this', I don't know what happened after that but she did write her number down and by then she had his Instagram too.

"Cassandra on that night was like 'We've got to tell Matt' and we didn't, and then she went home and I was like 'Shite, I don't want to be the next Cassandra' so I did what I had to do."

As we saw, Mary spilled Rachael's crush to Matt who then sent her home.

Rachael previously told Mamamia she didn't hand out her number like we saw, and that the crew member she was interested in wasn't even on set that night.

Mary says she doesn't know who gave out Rachael's number... and considering all the bachelorettes had a piece of paper, someone was either trying to be a good wing woman or sabotage her.

As for the hot producer, well, Mary says all the other bachelorettes talked about good-looking crew members, but they never tried to make a move like Rach.

"We all thought there were some cute guys in the crew, and we don't see Matt everyday - he's in the bach pad far away and you are around the crew all the time."

Narration, pls.

Mary says she and Matt spoke at every single cocktail party - and um, she even cooked for him at one of them because of course she did.

But we didn't really see much of this, with most of Mary's screen time being of her saying "B*tch please" or "WHAT THE HECK IS HAPPENING?"

"I did talk a lot to Matt and they didn't show that because they didn't have much time," she explains.

"But at the same time I guess I was talking a lot about what was happening around me and it was funny, so I think it was like if you have to pick Mary being crazy or Mary talking to Matt, I think Mary getting crazy was it because it was so funny."

Literally all of us right now. #TheBachelorAU pic.twitter.com/lA7ZjU8KNp

— The Bachelor Australia ???? (@TheBachelorAU) August 14, 2019

While she didn't exactly expect to be edited into the narrator role, Mary's pretty happy with how it ended up.

"The producer would ask me a question and I'd just answer. For me, it was just a normal answer, but it was great how people saw me as a narrator. It was so cute and I guess I did a good job.

"I say exactly those things, so I was like 'Okay, yeah'. I didn't feel bad, like sometimes I was like 'oh my god I can't believe I said that' but I did say it... it's funny to watch. My friends when they watch, they cannot stop laughing. Whatever, I don't mind."

She was initially worried she'd get hate for some of her one liners (The one about Rachel's lips being full of secrets? "Oh my gosh, everyone's been talking to me about that. That was so bad wasn't it? That was so funny!") but nah, her social media has been flooded with love.

"It's been very positive, surprisingly," she says. "I was worried like 'Oh my gosh I'm going to get so much hate', but everybody's being so cute on my Instagram saying 'Mary, I'm going to miss you on the show, I can't believe you've been sent home' - Thank you, thank you so much! It's been great."

Who's going to win?

"I hope it's Chelsie," Mary admits, surprising precisely no one. This seems to be a constant theme among the banished bachelorettes.

Besides her single dates and alone time with Matt, Chelsie hasn't had a big share of screen time, which makes sense because apparently, she's just too sweet to get involved in all the sh*t going on around her.

"I love Chelsie, she's so nice. She's such a down-to-earth girl, she's such a sweetheart," Mary says.

"She's so shy too. She has everything that Matt's looking for - they're pretty much the same person, they just don't know it yet."

 

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I had such an amazing time and it has been a great experience. Thank you for all the love and support. See what life brings next! I’m back to my little love???? @thebachelorau @channel10au #TheBachelorAU #thebacheloraustralia

A post shared by Mary Viturino???? (@maryviturino18) on Aug 29, 2019 at 3:41am PDT

After leaving the show, Mary says life's gone back to normal.

The single mum has been hanging out with her daughter, but she's not giving up on her search for love: "I'm seeing if I can find a date for tonight, girl!"

Oh Mary, we miss you already.