The 9 things we learned from watching Married at First Sight.

They came. They saw. They married.

Married At First Sight sums up it’s social experimenting magic tonight. Six weeks of high ratings and low brows got us more intrigued than we’d like to admit. No need to be ashamed, we watched in the name of science. The couples met at the end of the aisle, had a commitment ceremony (because you can’t marry a stranger in Australia) and then settled in for six weeks of experimenting.

So, what did we learn?

1. The bullshit title of ‘social experiment’ actually had some merit to it.

Channel Nine used the words ‘social experiment’ about three thousand times per episode (it just sounds classier than ‘cheap reality television’). The show received consistently good support, winning the Monday night ratings timeslot consistently (even against Masterchef).

Arranged marriages happen in various cultures around the world, and watching ‘matched’ couples fast forward through a relationship, from meeting each other to meeting the families, from getting married to living together for the first time, was genuinely interesting, let alone surprising when it worked for some of the couples. But we all know what was most interesting…


Zoe and Alex in bed.
Alex and Zoe in bed. Whoop whoop.

2. Sexy times. There is no rule about the right time to have sex with a new partner.

Thanks to the social experiment, we know that Clare and Lachlan consummated their marriage on the first night, Zoe and Alex on the second, and the other couples at an undisclosed time. There was no hard, fast (ahem) rule about waiting until the fifth date or getting to first base before scoring a home run – the couples went for it when they were ready, and it had no correlation to a successful relationship outcome. Boom. Social experiment.

Michael and Roni. Smiles.

3. Fighting with a smile on your face is much better for television.

There was some joyous passive-aggressive arguing throughout the show. Between man and wife, between wife and wife, between Roni and everyone. But it’s okay: As long as everyone is smiling for the cameras and starting each argument with “I’m just trying to say…”, then the audience will believe that everything is sunshine and rainbows and happily ever after.

Lachlan and Clare have a fight
Clare and Lachlan and the f-bomb.

4. Until Clare says ‘fuck’. Again.

And then we know the fight is really happening. We very much liked that this show wasn’t censored (well, not ENTIRELY censored), because we got to hear at least four of the eight newlyweds drop an f-bomb. Especially Clare.

Fuck yes, Clare.

Post continues after gallery.

5. Sometimes opposites attract.

Zoe is a city-girl princess. Alex is a tradie from the ‘burbs. There is a snowball in hell’s chance that these two would’ve considered dating if they had met in the real world (they’ve admitted that themselves), and yet somehow, things got better and better for them over the ‘social experiment’. Alex learned how to wash his own underwear. Zoe discovered a secret fetish for bulldozers. Who knew?

Married At First Sight: One bride is already married to someone else.

6. Bitching about your partner behind their back is probably bad for the relationship.

Thanks psychologists. That’s brand new information. Michael confessed to the boys that he didn’t like Roni’s aggressive side, and then a week later they broke up. Those psychologists are practically fortune tellers.

Psychologists in their evil lair.
Psychologists in their evil lair.

7. If your partner doesn’t love you, it makes you sad.

Another gem of knowledge from the evil geniuses psychologists. Michael told Roni he didn’t love her, and the doctors observed that this probably hurt Roni’s feelings a bit. Noted.


Cheers to awkward tension
Cheers to a social experiment.

8. Love and reality television don’t always mix well.

It’s worked out for some reality TV couples. Others (Roni, Michael, James, Michelle… etc), not so much. Sometimes, the pressure a camera crew puts on a relationship is just too much. Just ask Jessica Simpson.

Most importantly we learned…

9. It’s good to get to know each other before you get married.

Thanks for that law, Australia.

So that’s that. The social has been experimented. Best of luck to the eight people involved in their love journeys away from the cameras.

Were you watching? Which couple did you have your money on?


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