Managing life with bipolar disorder and without a 9 to 5.

by Mamamia Team June 21, 2015

Two months ago, I filed for disability for bipolar disorder. I had spent weeks dangling from tiring hands over a spiky precipice — or so it seemed.

There were days of crying at my desk, days of inexplicable panic attacks in the face of a normal workload. Days began with never wanting to see the inside of my bland cubicle again, and ended early with the emailed excuse of a personal emergency or sudden illness.

After too many of these days over too many weeks, I sent an email, made a call, and succumbed to the fact that bipolar disorder was standing firmly between me and a normal 9-to-5 life.

At first, I felt free — I didn’t have to continually look for ways out — I’d found one.

Then came the paperwork, the probing phone calls asking about how often I had cried or showered, the never ending demand for proof of brokenness that became normal, but never any less anxiety-inducing. (Post continues after gallery.)