By NATALIA HAWK
It was a dark and stormy night in the Hawk household. Lightning slashed its way through the sky as I stared at my computer. Paralysed with fear, I picked up my phone and dialed my best friend.
“I need you to promise me something,” was my ominous opening line.
“What is it?!” she exclaimed. The concern in her voice was obvious.
“When I die, will you please take my computer and delete my entire Internet search history before anyone else can get their paws on it?” I begged. “I just don’t want anyone finding out that I’ve been typing ‘male chastity belts’ into my Google search bar. Especially because I’ve been doing an image search.”
And then there was silence while my best friend went off to try and find a new best friend.
But forget about her.
Because we need to talk about MALE CHASTITY BELTS.
Firstly – if you are my boyfriend, please stop reading this post now. (I SWEAR THE GOOGLING WAS DONE FOR WORK-RELATED RESEARCH PURPOSES ONLY, HONEY.)
In fact, if you’re a male, you should stop reading this post now. You’ll probably be in sympathy-pain for the rest of your life.
Ladies, you’re not off the hook.
You should also prepare to cover the eyes of your pets. Maybe even the pot plants, just to be safe.
THIS is what a male chastity belt looks like (according to chastitybeltsformen.com) (and no, that URL is not a joke):
And this is the story of exactly how I came to be equally fascinated and horrified by the male chastity belt.
Earlier this week, I stumbled across an article called “Man Claims Wife Forces Him to Wear Steel Chastity Belt While She’s Away”. Seriously – how could you NOT click on that? I clicked so fast that I nearly broke my mouse.