Growing up, making friends is meant to be a rite of passage. You go to school, find your tribe, then you all go on to live brilliant, super connected lives. But for me, that has been far from reality.
I have a wonderful, albeit quite small, group of friends. They 'adopted' me after high school, and I am so grateful, thankful and #blessed to have them all in my life. But I can’t help but be envious of the friendships they have with each other even after some moving hundreds of kilometres away. They've known each other since kindergarten, are the maid of honour at each other's weddings, they tell stories about 'that time when', but I can't relate because I wasn't there.
Desperate to find my place, I tried to form a bond with pretty much every single person in my grade at school, but I was too loud, too fat, too pretty, too ugly, too bitchy, too quiet, too try-hard, too boring, too goodie-two-shoes, yet also too left-of-centre. I once overheard two girls saying that I was cool, just in small doses.
Put simply... I was just too much.
My mum put my ‘over-ness’ down to hormones and just being a young girl who was just trying to figure out who she was but fast forward over two decades, and being too much has followed me all the way into adulthood. Workplaces, conferences, music festivals, sporting clubs, actual clubs, even just saying 'hi' to a retailer when I walk into their shop to browse.