I think we can all agree that Tuesday night’s episode of Married at First Sight was the best thing that’s happened in any of our lives.
All the contestants from the entire season returned for an entirely unnecessary but also supremely important dinner party, and for reasons that are still unclear, one man thought this jacket was appropriate attire:
That man, of course, is One Direction Sean, who is now in a relationship with Cyclone Tracey, one half of unsuccessful Aussie rapping duo The Perfect Storm.
But throughout the night, a fight unfolded between Sean and Tracey's ex-fake husband Dean, about whether or not Dean had been "harassing" Tracey. And by the end, I developed a theory about what started it.
Here's how it went down.
While Dean is telling a fellow contestant that he learned a lot about Tracey by fake marrying her/living with her/cheating on her, Sean abruptly yells, "YOU DIDN'T," and proceeds to angrily accuse him of being "full of sh*t".
Via a very confusing set of expletives, we piece together that Dean has been texting Tracey, and Sean believes Tracey hates Dean, and has asked him to stop contacting and "harassing" her.
Later in the night, Dean confirms with Tracey that she doesn't think she's being harassed by him, so confronts Sean about it.
This is problematic because Sean has all of a sudden become a crazy person and starts yelling at Dean to "TELL ME THE F**KING TRUTH".
But it's what happens when Sean returns to the dinner table to see Tracey that's particularly telling.
Tracey and Sean are together and WE KNEW IT. Clare and Jessie Stephens debrief. Post continues after audio.
He tells her that Dean is under the impression Tracey really wants his text messages, to which she replies, "oh my God".
"Apparently you guys talk every day," Sean says, and Tracey simply responds, "really?"
When Sean explains sarcastically that Tracey is apparently waiting up all night for Dean's text messages, she says, "totally," adding, "do you think I'll be replying any more?"
But what's interesting is that Tracey doesn't actually confirm or deny anything. In fact, it kinda seems like everything Dean has told Sean is true, which is... bizarre.
We know exactly what's happened.
Clearly, Tracey and Dean have been texting, because as much as Dean can't be trusted as a partner, it makes Tracey feel like a very special gewl to be wanted by the guy who almost dumped her for Davina. But obviously, you're not really allowed to be texting an ex when you're in a new relationship, so when Sean has seen their messages, Tracey has put on an exasperated tone and explained that Dean won't stop texting her and it's very annoying. Sean, thinking he's being Tracey's hero, has confronted Dean about it, but it's awks, because Tracey be lyin.
It's definitely all going to come out tonight in front of the experts, because Mel doesn't want anything as much as she wants to know what the hell is going on between Tracey, Dean and Sean.
Will Tracey tell Sean she kinda likes it when Dean texts her?
Will she tell Dean to stop?
According to an interview in The Daily Telegraph, Tracey is now cutting Dean out of her life.
"I tried hard to maintain a friendship with Dean, which he has made it hard with some of the texts he sent me," she said.
"I have tried my best to be friends.
"There is no need for me to have Dean in my life anymore."
ALL WE WANT IN LIFE IS TO SEE THESE GODDAMN TEXT MESSAGES.
AND DECIDE FOR GOOD WHETHER OR NOT THEY'RE APPROPRIATE. WHICH THEY MOST DEFINITELY AREN'T.
We wonder whether Dean texts in rap.