Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: THE GENITAL CUPPING IS HELPING NO ONE.

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Sara and Tim are hashing out their issues from the commitment ceremony couch before going to bed. 

And while Sara has changed into something more homely, Tim is doing it in jeans. In my mind, that automatically puts him on the back foot.

Wearing jeans at home should be illegal.

Invest in some track pants PLEASE

Sara says she felt blindsided by him. He groans, she tells him to relax, he tells her not to tell him to relax and OH HOW THE TABLES HAVE TURNED.

There is a knock at the door and um, it's like 3am??? Go to bed????

Actually, no. It's Lauren, Tori, Eden and their many matching tracksuits.

F*** bed, LET'S GOSSIP.

They count to three before saying, in unison, who they found most annoying from the commitment ceremony.

One.

Two.

Three!

YEAH SAME

Lauren reenacts Collins' performance and it is 100 times greater than Collins himself.

Get her on Home & Away.

It's uncanny!

Meanwhile, Lucinda Light has a few questions for Mr Slow Burn Timothy, who was outed by Richard as being... not that much of a slow burner after all.

Lucinda Light says she feels humiliated and WE SIMPLY WILL NOT STAND FOR LUCINDA LIGHT FEELING HUMILIATED.

Timothy says he was just talking sh*t after a few drinks on a boy's night. It's the excuse trifecta.

She asks him about his key takeaways from the experts' advice. Actually, she asks him what he "extracted from the wisdom that they shared".

You know John Aiken is BEAMING at his words being described as wisdom.

She reframes her perfectly reasonable question 12 different times and Timothy just... doesn't answer. Or says "idk lol". Or storms out.

He returns that night.

And I am no detective, but I HAVE SOME QUESTIONS TO ASK ABOUT HIS REVOLVING WARDROBE:

No gym bag in sight by the way!!!

THE MATH AIN'T MATHING.

Then John Aiken's voice pops up to deliver more wisdom, this time as a horrifically brutal voiceover about how Timothy's walls are up because everyone he loves has left him.

Good lord, John. Some decorum, please! Sh*t like that is why I'm a Timothy apologist.

Lucinda Light is her typically kind and understanding self, they laugh about Timothy inhaling poison, and ultimately make up.

In her and Jonathan's apartment, Lauren is still talking sh*t.

I relate to her so deeply.

Mood

This time, she's judging Jack. Again. Speaking of the devil, Jack says he thought Tori was a strong, confident woman but so far she... hasn't been? And that's good.

ICK.

We learn that Tori has nothing to do with her dad, which has formed what she wants from a relationship: unconditional love.

She says she doesn't "love" the fact that Jack had a girlfriend when he applied for MAFS, told her he was moving overseas and then... appeared on John Aiken's couch. But she thinks they have a strong foundation, feels like Jack's support is unconditional and wants to stick by him.

Elsewhere, Natalie is drawing the curtains of the random Sydney apartment she is being held hostage in.

Collins visits her and thinks it's "so cute" and "heartwarming" when she's "in her element" which I think means he likes when she's wearing lipstick?

The more he talks, the more Natalie... hates it.

If someone's face changed like this as I spoke I would simply never open my mouth again

Collins says he is happy every time he sees Natalie which we would all know is a lie even if he wasn't the worst actor to ever walk the face of this earth.

"This feels like an Oscars performance," Natalie says.

Love the energy but has she ever seen an Oscars performance? I'm offended on Meryl Streep's behalf. This is not even a Days Of Our Lives performance!

"This is Married At First Sight, I feel like you've just done Mind Made Up At First Sight," he says.

NO. LEAVE THE BAD PUNS TO ME PLEASE.

Natalie leaves with her head held high, and Collins leaves with a less charismatic play-by-play of the Jake Gyllenhaal leaving meme.

It's Intimacy Week, which means we get to spend some quality time with Alessandra and watch everyone make lots of awkward sex jokes.

The editors may have cooked Timothy's many outfits earlier, but they redeem themselves with a beautiful cut to Jack as Alessandra says "a lot of people would define intimacy as sex".

Beautiful.

HOLD UP.

THE FIRST CHALLENGE OF INTIMACY WEEK IS GENITAL??? CUPPING????????

I thought we'd left that in 2021. Alessandra is really phoning it in this year. 

I respect it immensely.

WHAT 

IS

THIS

Richard and Andrea begin with a more respectable task: staring into each other's eyes.

After the task, Richard blurts out that he adores Andrea and I'M GIGGLING KICKING MY FEET BECAUSE THEY'RE SO CUTE.

Squeal

The greatest surprise of all is that Timothy is also good at the staring????? 

Suddenly, it's the next day and Timothy is upset that Lucinda Light slept topless. He feels pressured and reckons maybe she should come to bed with a shirt on next time.

She tells him that was rude and she's like, 'dude, I've had to see you in your undies every night for weeks now so that's a little hypocritical'. 

Go off, Lucinda Light.

I gasped

Lauren really doesn't want to gaze into Jonathan's eyes, and not just because her lazy one will struggle to focus.

She thinks Jonathan is holding back because he thinks the eye-gazing is cringe but doesn't feel the need to audibly complain that the eye-gazing is cringe.

They move onto the listening task, which is literally just... having a normal conversation with each other. And, uh, listening.

It's decidedly less fun than the genital cupping.

Jonathan tells her he doesn't like the coldness he feels from her sometimes and she's mad that he hasn't brought that up before.

He's confused because he thought she... wanted him... to bring things up.

Is this girl math?

Uh oh.

Alessandra has decided Timothy and Lucinda Light need more help than genital cupping can give them.

She declines the offer for a coconut water because we don't have time for electrolytes! This is a time of crisis!

Timothy has hug-related trauma because his dad did not like to hug, so Alessandra demands he and Lucinda Light have a long, melting... hug.

The cinematographer is giving Oscars in a way Collins can only dream of

Timothy thinks it was "actually quite pleasant" and wonders if bringing his walls down can be nice.

He feels guilty for hurting Lucinda Light's feelings with his reactions to intimacy, wants to get back on track and even hugs Alessandra goodbye.

OH MAN.

I'M EMBARRASSINGLY PROUD OF THIS STRANGER WITH COMMITTMENT ISSSUES.

I'M SO GLAD YOU DO!!!!

Suddenly, we are watching Jack talk to Tori about his kinks.

I'd rather watch an hour of genital cupping.

WAIT-

JACK SAID YES TO GOLDEN SHOWERS.

Tori does the kink-shaming loudly to his face, so thankfully I do not need to wade into that whole... thing.

Not usually one to yuck anyone else's yum but Jack???? Yes ok yuck to it all

Lauren and Jonathan are still fighting because Jonathan doesn't want to get angry, so he gets angry about her cutting him off.

And then they're both angry and shock horror, it leads to an unproductive conversation.

Jonathan says he has spent 20 years learning not to be reactive and is now questioning if there is something wrong with him because he's nice.

Oh no.

WE'RE GOING TO NEED MORE THAN GENITAL CUPPING TO FIX THIS.

Catch up on our MAFS recaps here:

• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: HE DID NOT JUST SAY THAT.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Lucinda is the MAFS hero we need.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: One groom discovers that marrying a stranger is... a lot.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: We will not be listening to this man's podcast.
  
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: The season's most chaotic bride.
  
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: 'He's completely full of sh*t.'
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Jayden did WHAT with WHOM in front of WHOMST?
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: You can't just compare your new wife to your dog.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: The award for worst performance in a reality TV show goes to...

Chelsea McLaughlin is Mamamia's Senior Entertainment Writer. For more pop culture takes, recommendations and sarcasm, you can follow her on Instagram.

Feature image: Nine.