Excuse us, but whatever you’re in the middle of right now we’re going to need you to pause.
She’s gone rogue on the Instagram, and we are very much here for it.
There’s a lil’ bit of nipple. A bunch of underarm hair. Singing children. Some quotes that don’t entirely make sense.
(Here’s the underarm photo with its half a million likes)…
After stalking the 59-year-old for approximately two and a half hours, we came up with some very important questions.
1. Are you wearing grillz or no?
Grillz are a type of metal jewellery worn over teeth, popularised by rappers in the United States.
And it would very much seem that Madonna is into them.
My favourite part is that she is issuing “parenting wisdom” whilst wearing grillz, which I think we can all agree does not happen nearly often enough.
2. Are you leaving the house with a Louis Vuitton handbag but no top?
Louis Vuitton is littered all over Madonna’s Instagram feed – a brand most of us cannot afford to be within three metres of.
Madonna likes her Louis so much she wants to wear it as a t-shirt, please, and that’s okay.
She tried to black out her nipples because of Instagram’s pesky guidelines, but we can definitely spot a right areola. We also very much like the glimpse of grillz, which I think I might buy mum for her birthday.
3. What… doing?
There are lots of photos exactly like this on Madonna’s Instagram account:
There’s something really refreshing about knowing that Madonna also has to take selfies, just like the rest of us.
But… what doing exactly?
Are you just chilling in bed? Are you doing a Snapchat?
4. What part of your body is that?
We came across a picture posted nine or so months back.
We have just one question.
What part of your body is that?
After staring at it for upwards of eight minutes, it looks like the top half is her bottom, and the bottom half is her top. Obviously.
Which brings us to another question...
How is your butt so perky? But also...
How did you take that photo?
WE DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT ARM TOOK THE PHOTO AND HOW SHE ACHIEVED THAT ANGLE.
Listen: We need to talk about Madonna. Post continues below.
5. More, pls.
Yes, well. This isn't so much a question as a demand.
We need more of this in our lives, so we can tag our friends in it, and watch it over and over again, asking ourselves what the hell is going on.
Thank you Madonna, for the gift that is your weird but mostly wonderful Instagram account.
Cut the crap.