Last week, I babysat my three-year-old cousin.
At one point, I was sitting beside him, minding my own business, when he just hit me in the face for no reason.
Later, he was standing guiltily near our new espresso machine when I realised he’d been putting food in his mouth, then spitting it into the machine to hide it.
I also gave him a gift, which I’m fairly certain he threw off the balcony intentionally.
As an ode to three-year-olds and the characteristic lack of shits they give about everything, please behold the following tweets which perfectly sum up their attitude to life:
3-year-old: Can we have a birthday cake?
Me: It’s not your birthday.
3: The cake won’t know.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) April 25, 2016
Me: Leave the kitty alone.
Me: Leave the kitty alone
Me: Leave the —
3yo: THE KITTY SCRATCH ME. pic.twitter.com/LRETVRkvz1
— Brigid Kemmerer (@BrigidKemmerer) April 25, 2017
3yo: daddy! will u help me?
sure, bud, what do u need?
3yo: i pooped on the floor pic.twitter.com/RcheO8jAyf
— lawn medicine (@lawnsea) April 29, 2017