Last week, I babysat my three-year-old cousin.

At one point, I was sitting beside him, minding my own business, when he just hit me in the face for no reason.

Later, he was standing guiltily near our new espresso machine when I realised he’d been putting food in his mouth, then spitting it into the machineto hide it.

I also gave him a gift, which I’m fairly certain he threw off the balcony intentionally.

As an ode to three-year-olds and the characteristic lack of shits they give abouteverything, please behold the following tweets which perfectly sum up their attitude to life:

3-year-old: Can we have a birthday cake?

Me: It’s not your birthday.

3: The cake won’t know.

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) April 25, 2016

3yo: KITTY! Me: Leave the kitty alone. 3yo: KITTY! Me: Leave the kitty alone 3yo: KITTY! Me: Leave the — 3yo: THE KITTY SCRATCH ME. pic.twitter.com/LRETVRkvz1

— Brigid Kemmerer (@BrigidKemmerer) April 25, 2017

3yo: daddy! will u help me? sure, bud, what do u need? 3yo: i pooped on the floor pic.twitter.com/RcheO8jAyf

— lawn medicine (@lawnsea) April 29, 2017

Spending the majority of the day deciding whether or not I have to pee is one of the things my 3 year old and I have in common.

— Kristen Bell (@IMKristenBell) May 22, 2016

I’m at my most hostage negotiator when I see my 3 year old holding a permanent marker without the lid.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) September 21, 2014

“Wow, I’ve always wanted this.”

~ something my 3yo didn’t know existed 2 seconds ago

— Dad’s Take (@DadsTake) April 27, 2017

You wanna know how my evening is going?

My 3-year-old just kissed my head and threw a tantrum because I don’t taste like chocolate.

— Doyin Richards (@daddydoinwork) July 28, 2016

If you want to know what an apple slice on the floor under this McDonalds table tastes like, ask my 3 year-old son.

— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) April 25, 2015

3yo: *sticks his hand in my back pocket as we walk* Me: Please don’t do that. 3yo: The pineapple told me I could.

Dang creep pineapple.

— Kiersten White (@kierstenwhite) April 25, 2017

Anyone want a 3-year-old? He doesn’t listen much but he can fart on demand. #momlife

— Jennifer Borget (@JenniferBorget) December 27, 2016

My 3 year old niece has convinced herself that “bathing suit” is pronounced “baby soup”

— Hannah (@HannahSilene) May 3, 2017

That moment when your 3yo touches the inside of a public urinal and you consider cutting her hand off with a plastic knife in your backpack.

— Doyin Richards (@daddydoinwork) October 1, 2016

People who describe themselves as “laid back” have never been stuck in an elevator with a 3yo who’s determined to hit the alarm button.

— Paige Kellerman (@PaigeKellerman) November 6, 2015

3yo: I need a bandaid for my ouch Me: *gets bandaid* 3yo: *screaming* NOT THAT BANDAID!

— Sydney Walker (@SydneyBlaine12) April 26, 2017

In case you’re wondering how my 3yo’s education is going. He just listed the days as: Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Fri, Saturday, and Christmas.

— MaryWiddicks (@MaryWiddicks) August 28, 2016

I think my 3 year old is trying to make me disappear.

She keeps walking past me saying “Bippety Boppity Boo!”

— MommieKnowsfresh (@MommieKnwsFresh) June 15, 2015