Trigger warning: This story is about late term miscarriage and may be distressing for some readers.
On the 4th of October 2017 I took a pregnancy test. I wasn’t due for my period until around three days later, and the only reason I took it was because I had sore boobs, which is not something that is common for me before a period. The line was faint, but it was definitely positive.
I had spotting right from the start, but every scan I had they assured me that the baby was moving and growing. Until they started to see some abnormalities.
Taddy was not measuring big enough for the gestation and the fluid level wasn’t normal.
At 13 weeks he/she was measuring around 11 weeks, at 15 weeks he/she had grown to measure at around 13 weeks. We went in for a routine obstetrician appointment and he assured us that even though our baby was measuring small, it had still grown about the right amount in the time frame.
Then he was going to have a quick look at the heartbeat with the ultrasound machine, and I expected to again be reassured that our little baby was kicking and happy. But I knew as soon as he put the probe on my tummy that something wasn’t right. Taddy wasn’t moving anymore, and the doctor couldn’t find his/her heartbeat either. They took me to another room where there was a better machine, which showed the same thing. When they said I’d have to go down to have a formal scan I knew then, I knew that my baby was gone… I burst into tears.
Listen: A very raw Monique Bowley speaks about miscarriage, grief, and how friends and family can help someone who is struggling. Post continues after audio.
As expected the formal scan confirmed that there was no heartbeat or movement. We had a long chat with the midwives and doctors about what was going to happen. My partner stayed with me and we talked about what was going to happen, what we wanted to happen after and I cried a lot of the night.
I went to the hospital on Friday morning, they were supposed to know to expect me…
I had to tell them what had happened, well, Mum did for me, because I was sobbing. They quickly took me to a private room away from the new babies and happy mothers and settled me in. The midwives were amazing. I’d met all but one of them before so it was nice to have some familiarity around me.
On Friday at around 11am they gave me the first lot of metaprostal. I had some slight cramps and my water broke, but the cramping and fluid loss didn’t really ramp up until I had the second dose at 5pm. I definitely went through labour, just not as intense as my full term babies as I didn’t have to get to 10cm.