New Zealand and Australia are similar in a lot of ways.
But then… they’re also very different.
For starters, everything in Australia wants to kill you. Even the ants. And the climate.
New Zealand keeps its prime ministers for a full term, and Australia likes a plebiscite more than its neighbour.
It isn’t all (scorching hot) sunshine and (post-wild thunderstorm) rainbows over here: Many of us are perpetually considered temporary residents and unlike other migrants, have limited pathways to permanent residency or citizenship, plus there’s that whole ‘excluded from any form of welfare if everything falls apart, even if we’ve contributed taxes for a decade’ thing… but hey, this isn’t what I’m here to discuss. It’s summer, it’s the festive season, and I’m here for the lols.
Because being a Kiwi in Aussie is a pretty interesting experience. There’s also a lot of us, meaning there’s a damn good community and feeling of solidarity out there. When coming up with ideas for this story, I used not only my brain but the brains of my people and it only cemented what I thought: We all face the same problems, and most of them have to do with words.
Here’s a selection of things all Kiwis in Australia know to be true:
1. We can’t say the word ‘deck’.
We’re all used to the jokes about our accent, especially for words containing Is and Es.
But is there any word that elicits more mocking and laughs than ‘deck’? Nevermind the fact that to our ears, it’s the Aussies that sound like they’ve got this one confused with something… else. We’re outnumbered and fighting it only increases their lols.