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'I saw the cracks start to appear after the quintuplets were born.' Kim Tucci on the end of her marriage.

Kim Tucci is a mum of eight from Perth. She gave birth to five babies all at once, while already having three kids. Earlier this month, Kim announced that her marriage with Vaughn – the father of seven of her children – had ended. Here, she writes her final love letter to him, and her insights into how being parents changed the dynamic of their marriage.

Here is my final love letter, my last goodbye and me wishing the best for the person who was my best friend and lover over the last decade.

My love story began when I was a 19-year-old single parent to my one-year-old son, Kurt. I met Vaughn and he made me feel safe and warm and I knew that he would be the man I would marry and start a life with. When I was 22, Vaughn asked me to marry him and I was so excited about our future together. I remember taking a bath the morning after he proposed to me and just staring at my ring in awe. It felt like a dream come true. I played out his proposal in my head so many times, I never wanted to forget that moment in time.

I was a teenager when I met Vaughn. I didn’t know myself yet and I had not had a lot of life experience. It’s only been since the quintuplets were born that I really found out who I am and what I was truly searching for in life. I saw the cracks in our marriage start to appear after the quins were born, but I never thought I would be sitting here today pouring my heart and soul into this article about the demise of my marriage.

Just like that, Vaughn and I were passing ships in the night. We shared a home but we lost each other over the years through the tears and stress of raising so many little people. I became fiercely independent and I built a fortress around my heart, because I couldn’t deal with the pain of losing the person I knew I would inevitably lose at some point anyway.

It’s impossible to raise eight kids and not lose each other in the process. I know we have become a statistic, but all I wish for Vaughn is peace, love and happiness and I know he wishes the same things for me.

I wish that broken marriages were spoken about more, as there’s still so much shame in announcing that sometimes sh*t just doesn’t go to plan. I now know that sometimes two people can just outgrow each other and the kindest thing to do is let the other person go and find what they are looking for.

The dynamic in a household changes when children are brought into the equation. It takes so much more effort to meet in the middle and forgetting each other becomes second nature until it’s too far gone and each long-awaited embrace or kiss turns into an awkward situation you can’t hide from. For us, what was once there started to disappear and I quickly realised that although we loved each other, we hadn’t been in love with each other for such a long time. With that comes a whole new chapter and beginning for two people who just want to find a new normal and sense of happiness.

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Watch: In 2019, Kim Tucci appeared on SBS Insight to talk about the reality of life with quintuplets. Post continues after video.

Video via SBS

I will be the first to admit that this journey hasn’t been easy on either of us. We have both suffered from depression in the past and I know I had let myself go physically and mentally. I would rock my active wear and a messy mum bun on the daily, but I had really just lost touch with myself for such a long time that I forgot about the girl I used to resemble. I was so lost that my judgement was clouded and I thought mine and my husband’s relationship had a normal dynamic. But it didn’t.

I was warned by friends and family that for those looking through a window into our relationship, there were so many red flags that neither myself or Vaughn could see.

Going forward, Vaughn and I both plan to co-parent, and I hope that comes with some sense of peace from both of us. Although our final chapter has ended, I will be forever thankful for the love, support and friendship that Vaughn has given to me over the last 12 years. He has been by my side through all my dark times and I will be forever thankful to him for giving me our beautiful babies.

Vaughn, after every storm, comes a rainbow. I wish you every ounce of love, respect and happiness for your future.

You can follow Kim Tucci on Facebook and Instagram, and buy her book, I’ve had 8 babies and if there’s one thing I’ve learned… here or in bookstores (RRP $19.99).

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