The lie started back in 2004, when hip-hop artist Kelis proclaimed via the power of song that her milkshakes bring “all the boys to the yard.”
According to “the boys”, they were like, “it’s better than yours.”
And she said, “Damn right it’s better than yours.”
To me, those sentences don’t make sense but I guess that’s the magic of lyrical genius. She also declared herself to be generous with her milkshake teaching services.
“I can teach you, but I have to charge.”
The obvious assumption for any young, innocent listener of Kelis is that she is really good at making milkshakes. Hell, she’ll even teach you to make milkshakes as good as hers for a nominal fee.
Milkshake forever changed the way millennials think about the delicious beverage.
Maybe the song wasn’t actually about milkshakes… Image: Giphy.
But people, I’m here to tell you today that everything you believed about the world, everything you thought true… is a lie.
In an interview with the Guardian, the 36-year-old singer has admitted that she, maker of milkshakes, bringer of boys to yards, has NEVER MADE A MILKSHAKE.
“I don’t think I’ve ever made a milkshake,” she told the (probably shaken, sobbing) reporter.
“I made a smoothie the other day that was really good – protein powder, spinach, orange, and crushed ice with a little bit of honey and coconut water. I’ll make you a Kelis smoothie next time you come over.”
You shut your mouth. Smoothies are NOT milkshakes, you FOOL.
Kelis promoting her new book. No milkshakes featured. Image: Getty.
The news has no doubt sent shockwaves through the milkshake enjoying community and the society in general.
From this day forth, milkshakes will only taste like betrayal.
If you too, like Kelis, favour a smoothie, try this recipe...