Stokes, 32, says she was trying the downstairs exercise implement for the very first time before meeting her “current bedfellow, Buddy”, but things went haywire.
“When the small pink Chinese-inspired silk bag arrived I began to have my doubts. It contained three dark green marble eggs ranging from quail-sized to full-on Jumbo chicken. A plastic string was connected to each,” the writer explained on YourTango.
Shelly Horton get her “vagina smoked”. And this is what she has to say about it. Post continues after video…
“I explained to Buddy that I was to put these eggs up my vagina and then kegel to keep it, as I said to him, right and tight.”
While Stokes says her vagina is “in fighting form”, she’s also conscious of “the way the human body works” and believes “you can’t take anything good you’ve got going on physically for granted ever.”
On advice that the eggs – ordered from Etsy – would perhaps be unsanitary to place inside her vagina straight out of the packet, Stokes decided to boil them first. Problem is, she was a little hasty, and didn’t give them enough time to cool down before putting them to use.
“Post-boiling I did not wait quite as long as I perhaps should have before insertion… Turns out you can burn your vagina, guys!
“Imagine sipping hot chocolate too quickly and that terrible peeling on the top of your mouth. Now imagine that there is no hot chocolate and that instead you have shoved a boiling hot marble egg up yourself for purposes of vanity.”
While the resulting pain was what Stokes calls a "life-altering ordeal", it wasn't enough to deter her from having another shot. And the second time round? A huge success.
"It felt a lot like having a stone marble egg inside your vagina would feel. The weight was surprising. I had to Kegel just to keep it in place, which I guess is the point," she wrote.
"The eggs served their purpose. When I removed it (it made a hilarious pop, like a less enjoyable champagne uncorking), I was surprised to feel muscle fatigue, and even more surprised by the good-soreness I felt the next day.
"After a week of training, I am pretty sure that my vagina could fight a mob of the undead."
Well, there ya have it, folks! The real question here is: Will you be rushing out to buy kegel eggs?