**Not sponsored. Just a small girl with big appreciation for stuff that actually fits.**
If I tried to explain what I’m like in meme-form – because 21st century, millennial and social media etc – I am that short girl, surrounded by her effortlessly tall friends, forever trying to look up and make people see me.
Like the Kourtney Kardashian of the real world without the fame, money and fans.
I am small. Stupidly so. I blame my mum, but that’s a bone to pick for some other time when I find someone who cares.
What I have found over the last 23 years is that being small comes with a multitude of downfalls. For one, I have convinced myself it’s absolutely the only reason I never made it to the Olympics. (That, and a lack of ability, but there’s no need to let reality get in the way of a lost dream.) I have accidentally acquired a loud, booming and occasionally obnoxious voice to make up for the fact people need to hear me before they see me, and I am also rarely taken seriously when bubbling with rage.
It's a hard life, thanks for your concern, made harder when shopping for jeans.
Because apparently, according to denim designers worldwide, little people don't deserve well-fitted jeans. Not only are we lumped with consistently craned necks and the inability to reach the top shelf, over the course of 23 years, I have had only one pair of jeans I haven't had to alter in some way, shape or form. And that's because the pair I bought came altered to fit.
In fact, so difficult was my struggle finding a single pair of jeans that did what they say they would - you know, fit - I considered going into business, so wide was the gap in the market.
And then I walked into Topshop because, if you've got the gist of the piece so far, I needed jeans. I picked up a pair, noted the size, and because this is the only facet of my life I live with reckless abandon, paid for them without trying them on. Wild.
When I got home, I threw them on with blasé enthusiasm and low expectations.
They... fit... perfectly. Right down to my ankle, no rolling, cutting or folding required. It was, as Jesus or Santa or the Home Alone guy once said: an absolute Christmas (October) miracle.
So, here's the thing little women with little legs: Get yourself down to Topshop quick smart if you want a pair of jeans that fit. They're called PETITE MOTO Black Jamie Jeans, and they set me back about $84.95 and are really, very, surprisingly comfortable.
And when I say quick smart, I mean it. Topshop Australia this year went into voluntary administration, meaning few stores remain and there's no news regarding how long the remaining ones will stay alive.
And because of this I feel it is the only time to use that gross and overused cliche about shopping: Run, don't walk. This is your chance. Carpe diem. Buy the things.
Listen: Your bum bag is super feminist. No, really.