'He pushed my face down.' The story of Jarryd Hayne's victim, in her own words.

Content warning: This story includes descriptions of sexual assault that may be distressing to some readers.

When former NRL player Jarryd Hayne was found guilty of sexual assault after a third trial jury this week, it was a momentous day for the victim. 

For years now, Hayne's words have been at the centre of this case. Now the victim-survivor's story finally has the space to be platformed.

It was alleged that in 2018 Hayne performed non-consensual sex acts on a woman, ending when she began to bleed. The jury of six men and six women returned a guilty verdict on both counts on Tuesday afternoon.

For the victim-survivor, the mental toll she's had to endure is unfathomable — a feeling so many who have had their assaults tried in a court of law can relate to.

But despite headlines, despite the vitriol, and despite the challenges victim-survivors face in our legal system, she persevered.

She told her story, saying she "felt sad and stupid for flirting with him at the start".

She spoke about what Hayne did to her, adding: "I didn't want to. He pushed my face down and pulled my clothes off and I'm not sure whether he bit me or cut me or whatever the hell he did, but I was saying 'Don't, no, I don't want to'. And then I was bleeding everywhere."

She said that in the aftermath of this whole ordeal, she felt "destroyed and damaged", saying "he would have the money to ruin me" and "the last thing I need is my life in the public eye".

It's what she ended with that were the most powerful words of them all: "But I'm still standing."

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Hayne is not the only high-profile football player to face a sexual assault charge and trial. And it's likely won't be the last. 

The whole court process in this case was arduous to say the least.

In November 2018 — more than four years ago — Hayne was interviewed and charged by Sydney police after the victim said he had raped her in her bedroom in Newcastle, seven weeks earlier. 

After a six-month delay due to COVID-19, Hayne faced a jury trial in Newcastle in November and December 2020.

In the witness box, the victim was cross-examined extensively, asking questions about her Snapchats to friends before the rape. She noted it was "irrelevant" and stressed that "no means f***ing no". 

After stating they were unable to reach a verdict after two days of deliberations, the jury was discharged and a second trial was called. 

The second trial was with a Sydney jury, which began in March 2021. Hayne was found guilty of two counts of sexual assault, having known or been reckless to the fact the woman was not consenting. He was found not guilty of another charge alleging he'd intentionally or recklessly physically harmed her at the time.

In May of that year, he was sentenced to five years and eight months in prison with a non-parole period of three years and eight months.

But there was yet no reprieve for the victim.

Hayne went on to spend nine months in prison before his barrister successfully had the convictions appealed by arguing the jury had been given "profoundly wrong" legal directions. Hayne had his convictions overturned, was granted bail and a third trial was ordered.

Last month, Hayne faced his third jury trial. The jury listened to tapes from the previous trials and heard testimony from the complainant and Hayne. The jury deliberated for more than 20 hours and found him guilty of both sexual assault charges.

Over four years later, the victim-survivor finally found legal justice.

But as for the emotional burden — the impact of the assault and the last four years of court proceedings, media witchhunts and cross-examinations, will have taken a serious toll.

And how could it not? It's a reality so many victim-survivors — who have managed to get their day in court — can attest to.

Not only is the burden on the victim to prove they are in fact a victim. But they also have to deal with a litany of re-traumatisation in telling their story and dealing with the outside noise. 

It all doesn't simply go away after a court case either. 

As survivor-advocate and the Director of Advocacy at RASARA Saxon Mullins said to Mamamia: "There are moments or really tough weeks where the importance of telling my story doesn't change the fact that it feels very fresh. Something can catch you off guard and be a trigger — it might just be a word, a phrase, something. And you're right back there, it hits you."

The Manager of the Witness Assistance Service at the Office of the Director of Public Prosecutions has also spoken to Mamamia previously about this subject, confirming they acknowledge that re-living events for a court case can be stressful for a victim-survivor.

For Hayne's victim, she is now left to rebuild. It won't be the same as what it was before the assault, how could it be. But often for victim-survivors, simply being believed holds a lot of weight. And given the jury's verdict was unanimous in this trial — that means something. 

Of course, the victim-survivor said it best in her own words.

"People talk about my vagina, my choices, and like to give their opinions based on what they've heard, and it is the most helpless feeling," she said.

"You don't owe someone your body, nor should they expect it. No matter what happened before or after the assault, no matter who he was or what he's done, no means no."

With AAP.

If this has raised any issues for you, or if you just feel like you need to speak to someone, please call 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) – the national sexual assault, domestic and family violence counselling service. 

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