We need to discuss a matter of international mango daiquiri significance.
An international mango daiquiri conspiracy theory, if you will.
You see, in the past week two – count ’em – two Bachelor in Paradise couples have announced they have broken up.
Firstly, on the weekend Keira Maguire announced that she had parted ways with Jarrod Woodgate… and his pot plant.
Then on Tuesday, Megan Marx announced she had broken up with Jake Ellis.
This all seemed a lil’ bit suspicious to me and my spidey senses did a tingle, so I decided to do an investigate.
While combing through the comments section and sipping on a mango daiquiri, I discovered Keira had her own theory about what was going on.
Keira thinks Mercury in retrograde could have played a role in the breakups.
Yep, Keira be blamin' the moon.
It's a solid theory. But I have an even better theory pls.
Like any good spotlight journalist, I knew the answer would lie in numbers and calculations and also numbers.
So I did a calculate.
The season finale of Bachelor in Paradise aired on Monday, April 30.
It is now August 28.
It's almost four months to the day since the finale aired, a third of a year, one tenth of something else that I can't be bothered calculating right now ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ .
Anywho, that could mean the contestants were contractually obligated to stay together for four months after the finale aired, give or take a few days because they are not spotlight journalists who are good at the calculating.
It could also mean they were obligated to stay together for three months after the show, but they were all too busy in Bali and doin' an influence on Instagram to announce it.
While delving even deeper into the case and drinking even more mango daiquiris, I realised this wasn't the first time numbers and dates and calculations have played a role in reality TV breakups.
Last year's finale episode of The Bachelorette aired on October 26. On January 26 - exactly three months to the day - Sophie Monk announced she had broken up with the series' winner Stu Laundy.
THREE MONTHS TO THE DAY.
Yep, this is some kind of deep Watergate shiz.
I declare this case well and truly closed.