We need to talk about Troy.
The hairflippin’, aggressive teeth-brushing fake groom who has the whole of Australia like this: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.
You see, Channel Nine has led us to believe that Troy is a human man who likes his hair, doing push ups, making bland mince, and his fake-wife Ashley… in that order.
But we know better.
Clare and Jessie Stephens discuss Troy making a new best friend on last night’s episode. Post continues.
We know he’s an alien from outer space, who has been sent here to takeover Earth, one crappy reality TV show at a time.
To help us get to the bottom of this obvious worldwide conspiracy, we’re going to have to call on the assistance of Agents Mulder and Scully from the FBI’s special X-Files unit.
To prepare them for their mission, we have gathered together six clues that Troy is most definitely not a human adult:
1. The teeth brushing
We’re pretty sure Troy had never touched a toothbrush… or toothpaste… before this scene was shot.
It's... it's... terrifying and it's exactly what an alien would do in this situation.
"MUST BRUSH TEETH WITH THE INTENSITY OF A THOUSAND SUNS."
2. He has no idea what a crocodile is
Troy does not fear crocodiles because where he's from they wear tiny hats and little sparkly vests... and they also rule the world.
3. He doesn't know what common foods are
When Troy got into the kitchen he found it difficult to hide his alien ways.
He made "Pasta Alla Troy" which did not include pasta nor (thankfully) any Troy. What it did contain was raw mince, a heck of a lot of onion, and some cold pasta sauce dumped on top.
He then struggled to understand the difference between butter and cheese and tried - and failed - to make scrambled eggs, while whispering "She must never know my secret... Oh no... I will take over their bodies when they least expect it".
4. He was also very much not familiar with the human concept of a flat pack
"On my planet we eat off rocks and monkeys are our chairs."
5. He has his own form of humanoid language
On last night's episode he referred to marriage as a "forever activity".
When he abandoned Ashley to run back to their hotel room to do some push ups he said, "I'm one of those people who does lose body mass every quickly" and no Troy, you're an alien.
6. He made friends with a dolphin
On last night's episode Troy made friends with a dolphin. While touching said dolphin he said, "I didn't know it would feel this good".
We now know that Troy came to Earth for the dolphins. We must protect all the dolphins.
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