In August 2022, Brooklyn Beckham – the eldest son of David and Victoria – was minding his own business, driving a $1.2 million car down Rodeo Drive in Los Angeles.
Personally, I did not know they made cars for that much money. Also, the car was ugly. That feels important.
I don't get it, it's... tiny. Image: TikTok.
While stopped at the lights, a stranger yelled out to Brooklyn.
"HEY MAN, WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING?" he asked. "YOUR CAR'S AWESOME."
The stranger was Daniel Mac, a TikTok creator who approaches drivers of ludicrously expensive supercars and asks them what they do for work.
"Oh my God, I know you!" Brooklyn responded. Of course Brooklyn Beckham knew who Daniel Mac was. His content was made for people like Brooklyn Beckham.
"Um, I'm a chef," Brooklyn continued.
"You're a chef? Really?" Daniel asked. "Are you like the best chef in the world?"
"I'm trying to be," Brooklyn said.
When asked his advice for people trying to get into cooking, Brooklyn said, "Just follow your passion. Whatever makes you happy."
He gave a thumbs up, a smile, and pressed the accelerator, continuing his drive towards whatever important... chef-fing business he had to attend to that day.
It was only later that Daniel Mac realised he'd just spoken to Brooklyn Beckham, whose parents are worth somewhere in the ballpark of $450 million.
David and Victoria Beckham, however, look like peasants compared to the family of Brooklyn's wife, Nicola Peltz, whose father is a billionaire.
So it probably wasn't Brooklyn's career as a chef that bought him a $1.2 million car in his early 20s. Also, not a huge deal, but he's not actually a chef. So there's that.
Oh. Image: TikTok.
You see, I've slowly become convinced that Brooklyn Beckham has been trolling us all, and it's the funniest thing that's ever happened.
It all started when Brooklyn was 15. Football hadn't quite worked out for him, but he decided he knew exactly what he wanted to do: photography.
So he did what most of us do when we have a goal. He learnt and he practised and he was patient and he studied and he climbed his way up.
Except he didn't do any of that. Because at 16, Brooklyn was invited to photograph a campaign for Burberry's new fragrance.
This was funny mostly because it was profoundly annoying.
At the time, fashion photographer Chris Floyd told The Guardian the decision by Burberry was "sheer nepotism," and indicated a "devaluation of photography" and lack of respect for hardworking, experienced professionals.
But what Floyd didn't realise was that those professionals would still be setting everything up. Brooklyn Beckham would just be clicking the button and getting the credit. He was 16 for Christ's sake – he couldn't be trusted with a campaign for a luxury brand!
Ultimately, critics said his photos for the campaign had "zero artistic distinction", and some pointed out that in the photos taken of him on the shoot (imagine being the photographer who had to photograph the 16-year-old photographer), he wasn't holding the camera correctly.
At that point, it seemed Brooklyn had realised that if he really wanted to pursue this career path, he should probably get some training. Or something.
He announced he was enrolling in a photography degree at Parsons School of Design in New York. Unfortunately, he failed to complete the first year and dropped out. But maybe that was because he was busy putting together and releasing his first book of photography, called What I See.
My very favourite photo from this masterpiece is the following image of an elephant, that Brooklyn took in Kenya.
Very good, sweetie. Image: Twitter.
The caption reads, 'elephants in Kenya. So hard to photograph but incredible to see.'
Brooklyn, pls. Firstly, that is a single elephant. Secondly, if it was hard to photograph, and you only captured the silhouette, why did you include it in your photography book?
Luckily, there were other images, such as the one next to the elephant, of a blurry dinner table. In the book, the caption reads, 'Dinner. i [sic] like this picture – it's out of focus but you can tell there's a lot going on.'
Image: Twitter.
I can't.
Having shot a major campaign and released a book of his own photos, Brooklyn was then offered an internship with a world-famous British photographer. But sources at the time said he struggled and decided to step away from photography.
For a while, he modelled for Superdry, but then he realised he'd found his real passion: cooking.
Apparently, Brooklyn cooked quite a lot during lockdown, unlike the rest of us who were eating out at restaurants that were closed. Then, in October last year, he appeared on the US Today Show to do a cooking segment. This was the result.
Mate. Image: NBC.
Out of all the things he could've cooked on national television, Brooklyn made a sausage and egg sandwich, without so much as toasting or buttering the bread.
People got so mad.
On Twitter, the segment was described as "embarrassing", "painful" and "unutterably pointless", which frankly misses the point that it was... hilarious.
The man decided he liked cooking and then put a sausage in a sandwich on TV. He has a level of confidence we should all aspire to.
So what is Brooklyn to do? He's been made fun of for his new hobby, and everyone's yelling that he shouldn't just have things handed to him because he happens to have famous parents.
He launches a cooking show, obviously. Called Cookin' With Brooklyn.
The web series is reported to cost $100,000 per episode to make and takes 62 professionals to create.
The Post ran a story about the show earlier this year, with the headline: Brooklyn Beckham’s cooking show has a problem: He doesn’t know how.
In one of the episodes, he makes another sandwich – this time, a fish and chip sandwich. He doesn’t, however, actually cook any element of it. He solely spreads aioli and lays the ingredients, all of which have been pre-prepared, on the bread.
I don't want any of it. Image: Facebook.
This is a man who knows exactly what he is doing.
In late 2022, he appeared in a video for Bustle, sharing his very own cocktail recipes.
"I'm very experimental," he said. "I love trying to make new drinks, new recipes, you know, I'm a nutter in the kitchen."
He then goes on to make Brooklyn's Gin and Tonic which consists of:
- about 'that much' gin (no seriously, he doesn't specify an amount it's just a... free pour)
- some lime
- some cucumber
- some rosemary
- some mint
- Schweppes tonic water
- ice
I am obsessed, I mean utterly obsessed, with Brooklyn Beckham calling himself ‘a nutter in the kitchen’ and then making a gin and tonic with none other than cucumber AND lime ladies and gentlemen!
— Lucy McKinstry (@LuluMcKinstry) November 20, 2022
It brings me so much joy, I love this nepo baby energy so much 💀🤩 pic.twitter.com/sAKmwVeLDW
I think I... love him.
Then in March 2023, the man cooked bolognese with a wine cork in it.
When people were like, 'Hey, it's unnecessary and kinda odd to cook bolognese with a wine cork in it,' Brooklyn had had enough.
He went to his Instagram stories and posted a screenshot of an article that CLEARLY explained the benefits of cooking with a cork. Was the article mostly about cooking octopus? Absolutely. Did it directly suggest putting a cork in bolognese? No, not really.
My favourite thing about Brooklyn Beckham is that he's always doing something slightly not quite right.
In April, he shared a photo to Instagram with his wife, Nicola, and his parents. In the caption he wished his mum a happy birthday, and in the image, he was holding a cake.
It is the single most hideous cake I have ever seen.
Why is it grey with literal polaroids stuck to it, and why does it exclusively have photos of himself and Nicola on it if the photo was about Victoria's birthday?
It appears he was sharing a photo from his wedding anniversary – perhaps because it was the most recent photo he had with his mum – but THAT DOESN'T EXPLAIN THE HORRIFIC CAKE.
It. Looks. Like. Concrete.
And I love him.
If he's not taking the piss, Brooklyn is a young man who genuinely does some very strange things. He's apparently convinced he's a chef and believes starring in a $100,000-per-episode web series is a practical way to learn to cook.
But if Brooklyn Beckham is trolling us, the man is frankly hilarious.
For more from Clare Stephens, including other celebrity theories, you can follow her on Instagram and TikTok. You can also listen to her episode of CANCELLED about Brooklyn Beckham on Apple or Spotify.
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