There are few periods of my life I remember as vividly as my first serious relationship.
I was 17 and to my mind, completely in love. I remember every intricate detail of his bedroom. I remember the season. I remember how he smelt and the movies we watched. I remember sharing things with each other that we had never told anyone before.
He looked like Hayden Christensen (the hot one from Star Wars) and I was the luckiest girl in the whole world.
But, if I’m honest, the thing I remember most is how I felt when it ended.
Sick.
I was consumed. Suddenly all the lame love songs and romance novels I’d been forced to read at school made sense. I was feeling things that I had absolutely no idea how to explain to anyone else. I felt embarrassed, stupid, worthless and most of all, profoundly rejected. Like any feeling we experience for the first time, I was convinced it would never go away.
If you remember your teenage relationships with unparalleled intensity, you’re not alone.
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I was living in a small country town when I became a teenager. My memories of becoming a teen are pretty boring unfortunately because my parents were mega strict so i was not allowed to have boyfriends, going to friends houses was forbidden and no I would never be permitted to attend the local blue light disco's yep I couldn't do anything remotely normal like all the other kids.
So of course all the kids hated my weird parents, and every day at school i got called me an ugly freak with my home made clothes and hair cut badly by my Mum. As if that wasn't all enough they also teased my about my gay brother because this was a very religious small town known for its closed a mindedness.
No teenage relationship memories for me to reminisce about. Not one.
I didn't date at all as a teenager but everything is much more important and dramatic when you're that age. Things I'd barely even blink at now, at 35, were caused for full-blown sobbing fits when I was 16.
I don't really miss that but I don't think I'd mind being able to feel as utterly excited about things as I did when I was much younger. I guess much of that is novelty though and it's natural that it would dissipate a little as we get older.