I hid inside someone's garage at a house party because I didn't want anyone to see me cry. The smell of petrol mixed with boxed Christmas decorations wasn’t exactly comforting, but at least I was alone.
I'd started another argument with my boyfriend. I felt overwhelmed and uninterested in cheap vodka shots. I wished I could be the fun girlfriend, the cool girlfriend, but in reality, I was the insecure girlfriend.
The last time I felt confident was probably in school. I ran around the playground without care and wore whatever I wanted. But that drastically changed just a couple of years later.
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I started caring about what people thought. I lost my confidence. I’m sure I wasn’t alone because puberty is pretty awkward for any teen. But that uncomfortable feeling never went away. It was always there, in everything I did.
Then I started dating. And instead of those insecurities magically disappearing, they got worse. A lot worse.
My relationships became a mirror and reflected back at me was everything I didn’t like about myself. I didn't know what to do with what I saw.
I wish I could go back in time and tell my younger self to be confident, authentic, and happy. That if someone left me, it meant our relationship wasn't meant to be. But, c'est la vie.
I learned the hard way how being insecure created problems in relationships. What's worse? My insecurities limited how happy I could be for years. Something I'll never be able to go back and re-do.
If you resonate with these habits, you may be an insecure partner in your relationship, too.
Seeking reassurance from your partner.
"But do you really love me?" is a phrase I must've said to my university boyfriend at least a hundred times. Even though I could hear in his voice how annoyed he was, I'd continue prying.
Because I felt insecure in life, I wanted to feel secure in my relationship. And how was I supposed to know if I didn't ask?
But that’s not how insecurities work. Your own beliefs determine how you feel, not what other people say. That’s why I couldn't accept the things my boyfriend told me, even if he declared I was a gift from heaven because I thought I was trash spit up from hell.