I found a text while using my husband’s phone to locate mine. The text was from my best friend of five years – it said “try not to miss me too much while you’re with your wife.” Not much room for misinterpretation.
I immediately confronted him about it (my mistake) and he denied anything ever happening with her. He said, rather, that it was a harmless private joke. I didn’t buy that… so I called her. She told me “What I do with your husband is none of your business.”
He still denied it. He denied it for weeks. I was shocked, hurt, confused and I felt crazy – because he told me I was. Finally, he admitted to an “emotional affair” – insisting it never crossed into the physical realm.
I was devastated. I felt betrayed by not one but two people that I loved. He promised me that he would never contact her again, that he would end it. I believed him and told him that I would try to work through it with him for the sake of our marriage, our children and shared life together. He confirmed that she knew it was over and he would never speak to her again.
The next day, on a whim, I checked his phone records. He talked to her a total of three times that day for a total of five hours – while he was at work. He was still lying to me.
I confronted him again and he told me that she couldn’t accept it and kept calling him but that it really was over.
Sexual Psychiatrist explains to Mia Freedman exactly why it is that happy people cheat, on No Filter. Post continues after audio.
I then emailed her and told her I knew about the emotional affair and that she really just needed to accept that it was over. What I received back a few days later was an extremely malicious, detailed account of their three-year-long, very much physical affair with an offer to furnish photographic and videographic proof. She even detailed when it would happen, how they got around me and her goal was in telling me (to hurt him as much as he hurt her because she “knew” that I was going to leave him over it).
I felt… sick. I was nauseous, paralysed. I threw up until I could do nothing but dry heave. I cried every day for a week. I felt completely alone. I felt ugly, undesirable, stupid. I fell into a horrible depression despite having no history of depression at all – it was the worst few months of my life.
I had continuous nightmares about my husband and my best friend laughing at me, about everybody laughing at me, not being able to move while I sunk deeper and deeper into some dark abyss. I was paranoid and obsessed with knowing every excruciating detail about the affair. It felt like someone blew up the foundation of what I believed to not only be a loving, faithful marriage but caused me to question the good nature of everyone else in my life.