This is a letter to the author of ‘A Letter to the woman who so desperately wants my husband’.
Your letter to ‘the other woman’ struck a chord with me in many ways. I sympathise with the utter hurt, betrayal and insecurity that it has left you. I can see the pain through your words and your tone. It is obviously quite raw and has created a sense of bitterness within you and I can totally comprehend why.
But can I tell you, as someone with my own experience within this world of affairs, there is never one person that is to blame. Not for the decision to have the affair, not for the decision to continue it for however long it lasted, not for its end and most definitely not for the ramifications of it all afterwards.
Blaming this woman won’t help you, it isn’t fair, and it isn’t an honest assessment of what has happened. How do I know? Because I am the daughter of ‘the other woman’. Not the one involved here but of another affair. One that happened decades ago. One that lasted around seven years. One which resulted in me.
I have never understood my mum’s decisions to become involved in a relationship with a married man. She had her own life experiences and lived her own injustices (as we all do). And as the majority of us discover, they can often be the cause for making decisions that aren’t really the best, just as these did, in part, with her.
This is not a justification for her decisions (for the record I don’t agree with affairs), but it was significant in shaping my mum’s thinking and outlook on relationships, especially when it came to acceptance, rejection and what a family is.
The fact is, like all things in life, especially affairs, they are complex. Summing it up by shaming the ‘other woman’ as the cause of all that transpired just isn’t the reality of these events and in the end, it will just cause you more pain. It stops you from dealing with what really happened; the fact that the man you loved disrespected you and needs to be held accountable.