Here’s something they forget to tell you in the ‘What to Expect When You’re Expecting’ book. There will be casualties.
That’s right, as joyous as having a child is and will be, certain parts of your lifestyle and yourself, will suddenly be lost to you. At first these will feel unfair and unjust but what needs to be understood is that certain things are simply collateral damage.
And, as you adjust to life with a new baby and consequently, a young child, you’ll realise you wouldn’t have it any other way. The following might be a good heads up or if like me, you already are a parent, perhaps you can relate.
So I present you with the 5 casualities of my having children:
1. My boobs
I still remember dragging my best friend into the maternity ward toilets, lifting my top so that she, along with myself could stare in awe at these rock hard, Pamela Anderson sized knockers. NEVER before had I been larger than a B cup. Suddenly it was like I’d had an epic boob job.
The ironic thing being of course that my husband wasn’t allowed to touch them. Hell, he couldn’t even look at them without me wincing . Then, the cruelest irony of all, when my babies were done sucking the life out of them, they deflated to less than when I started. This is when I made friends with the Push up Bra.
2. My Mind
Look, you know when you just start randomly throwing out names trying to address your own child, that you’ve made it as a parent. I’ve even been known to call my son by our cat’s name on occasion. My mind is probably not as sharp as it was pre children but then again, my reflexes seem to have improved ten fold, sometimes being known to catch a falling pea from a across a room and pulling my child out of the path of a moving car on pure instinct.
3. My Walls
Take a long hard look at those beautiful, white and blemish free walls in your home because at some point, your wall will be adorned with what can only be described as ‘abstract art’. It will not win a prize. It will however win your heart. Not right now of course, oh no, when you discover the scribble beautiful artwork left on your bedroom wall, you will lose your mind but in hindsight it will seem adorable.