By CHERRY BEALE.
Two weeks ago, I started wearing nighties in public, and I haven’t looked back since. Yep, that’s right – call it what you will: nightie, nightgown, nightshirt, pyjamas – I’m wearing it in public, and I’m loving it.
You see, I’ve had a fashion epiphany of late.
There’s nothing like gaining 25 kilos of baby weight and then losing 22 of them to force you to have a good, hard look at your wardrobe.
Nighties: the answer to all your post-baby fashion woes?
My weight gain was brought to me by the letter F, for fluid retention, thanks to a chronic kidney disease that was diagnosed halfway through my pregnancy, as well as the letters ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ, for apple pies, bacon, cronuts, doughnuts, and every other food beginning with a letter of the alphabet.
After my weight loss, my pre-baby clothes were still too tight, with many zippers just refusing to be zipped, and yet, my maternity clothes were literally falling off. I think everyone at my local playground has seen my butt-crack by now, because try as I might, sometimes I just didn’t have a spare hand to pull up my huge maternity pants while I was helping my daughter on and off the slide.
Of course, the most obvious solution to fitting back into my pre-baby clothes again would be to lose weight. But when you lose 22 kilos, losing another 3 kilos just seems like a bit too much to ask.
Is my weight in the “healthy” BMI range? Yes. Do I feel healthy and strong? Definitely. Am I going to put the Tim Tam down, then? No. I could also invest in nice, new clothes, full of wardrobe staple investment new classics (blergh! So boring!) that actually fit, but I feel that would be a waste of money, especially as my weight keeps fluctuating.
Seeing as I don’t have a job right now (thanks for giving me a pre-baby temporary contract, guys), I have since found myself shopping more regularly at Kmart, instead of, say, David Jones, or even Target.
One day, I was buying clothes for my daughter, when I accidentally happened upon the women’s sleepwear section. And there, amongst the pastel colours, silly slogans (“I HEART ZZZ”) and numerous cartoon pictures of animals, the scales fell from my eyes, and it dawned upon me: Yes! I will wear nighties instead of clothes, and I will get away with it, because I’m a badass bitch who birthed a baby through my vagina and I meet that baby’s needs every damn day, and I can do whatever I want because it doesn’t matter!
That’s the key, ladies and gentlemen: it doesn’t matter.