dating

'I think my best friend's fiancé is already married. Should I tell her?'

Relationships are complex.

They’re precisely nothing like a Netflix Christmas movie in real life, because people become busy with their careers and lives.

Sometimes people hurt each other in relationships, even though they might not mean to, and sometimes people do bad things like cheat.

And then, there’s this guy.

A woman on Mumsnet is very concerned about her friend, because she has reason to believe her best friend’s fiancé is currently married… to someone else.

She explains that even though her best friend of 15 years has been with the man for four years, she has only met him five times. This is despite the best friends hanging out five times a week with their respective children.

SUSS.

“So her DF [dear fiancé] travels for work constantly. Literally comes home for 1 night every 3 weeks. Sometimes he is uncontainable [sic] when he is ‘busy’ or doing very secretive stuff, because get this… he works for the government,” she writes in the post.

“Apparently he can’t tell work about their relationship because she’s originally from America (lived here since she was ten, though doesn’t have a British passport), so their relationship is secret from his work and even his parents (she’s never met them),” she adds.

The Mumsnet user adds that her friend’s relationship with her fiancé has resulted in her losing other support networks, a tell-tale sign of emotional abuse.

“Friend buys all this because she loves him so much, but she’s lost all her other friends and family because of this so I’m all she has. Her mum has told her that she’s a fool and can’t stand to see her DGD [Dear Granddaughter] have such a non-existent father,” she writes.

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Here are the points she finds most disturbing about the fiancé:

  • No social media account.
  • Home one week night every three weeks.
  • Friend has never met friends or family.
  • He “works for the government” ahem he is telling her he is a SPY.
  • Says he gets no holidays, but also works seven days a week.
  • Occasionally slips off the radar due to a 24 hour work schedule…
  • Doesn’t get leave for Christmas.

And here comes the dilemma. She can’t tell her best friend because she “cut EVERYONE out who questioned it”.

This is… not good.

Users on the website had lots to say.

“I really don’t know what to suggest though if she would just cut you out for questioning it. A private investigator maybe? I try not to jump to conclusions but this is just ridiculous,” suggested one user.

“He’s married. You are usually allowed to disclose to close family member (spouse) or friend the nature of your work if you’re a spy, but in order to do so, said friend/partner will have to have been vetted and sworn to secrecy. If it were real, they would know exactly who he was in a relationship with. Part of the deal is that your private life ceases to exist being so. She certainly wouldn’t be allowed to be telling everyone,” added another user.

It’s not the first time someone has tried to save another person from a bad marriage online.

In 2016, a Twitter user started a storm after her friend slept with an engaged woman on her hen’s night.

“If your [sic] names Graham and your fiance is called Samantha on her Hen Do in Newcastle don’t marry her she is shagging my mate in a travelodge,” the tweet said.

Oh…

That is… not ideal at all. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Do you think the concerned friend should confront her best friend about her fiance? 

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