I’ve only just popped my sexting cherry.
What kind of a horrible, boring Gen Y-er am I? Didn’t my people found the Age of Sexting?
So I stayed away.
‘Why bother?’ I asked myself. I have a good sex life, one certainly satisfying enough for me to not see how exchanging poor quality crotch shots could ever possibly turn me into some highly-evolved sex deity. (Wait, you mean that’s not one of your goals?)
But then life threw a spanner in the works of my love life’s well-oiled engine.
My partner and I were going to be apart for a combined four weeks.
Perhaps not a long stretch for some couples, but this was about three weeks more than we’d had in four years.
By week three, something had to give. I found myself plunging into the rabbit hole that is sexting.
Not because my partner begged and pleaded. Not because I was coaxed.
He didn’t even nudge me with an eggplant emoji. Sexting has just never been part of our groove.
But when a friend asked while we were geographically separated whether we’d been sending cheeky messages, she’d planted the seed.
I had the time, the curiosity and the unfulfilled desires to see what all the fuss was about.
And you know what? I’m glad I did.
Firstly, in the moment it actually does wonders for your body confidence, which can only be a good thing considering how rare that feeling is for so many of us.
And secondly, I won’t go into nitty-gritty detail, because I’m not here to sex shame anyone and I’m probably already giving you the TMI shakes.
But I’m pretty sure my brain relocated to my muff because bonking was my raison d’être and I started counting down the days with my super-charged libido (which I nicknamed Brand Russell, because I’m not at all creepy).
And my at-long-last reunion with my partner was
ON FIYAH yeah, good, thanks.
So I can comfortably say I am now a believer in sexts.
I have witnessed first-hand their power.
But with great power comes great responsibility.
I’m not a sex expert. And that surely makes me qualified enough to put together a beginner’s guide to safe sexting.
Because I think EVERYONE should pop that cherry (that’s how sold I am) – with certain conditions in place.
So here are some tips before you embark on your sext-capades. You’re welcome.
Find a sexting buddy you can trust.
I can’t stress this enough. A long-term partner is your safest bet in ensuring your pictures won’t end up in the wrong hands.
Of course, being in an established relationship is not a guarantee against betrayal. Revenge porn is a serious problem. But do your best to safeguard yourself by always taking care to consider how much you trust the person you’re about to send a money shot to.
If you matched with the person two weeks ago on Tinder or you feel a break-up is on the horizon, probs best to keep your pics to yourself.
Set the scene.
Don’t take your photos in the kitchen, the laundry, the pantry, the toilet. And definitely not at work.
Think smart, think sultry. You’re better off sticking to the bedroom. And don’t turn on your brightest, whitest lights. The dim glow is your friend and a natural filter.
Watch Aussie celebs talk about their sexting antics (or lack there of). Jessica Mauboy is game. Post continues after video…
Not the face.
As much as you might love and trust your sexting buddy, all it takes is one ex, one snoop or one hacker for your junk to be seen by the world. So make sure no one can prove it’s you by leaving out your face – as well as any other identifiable features like tattoos or obvious moles and birthmarks.
Embrace a little mystery.
You don’t need to be seen fully starkers. Implied nudity is less intimidating and can be just as erotic – an arm over your breasts, your body hidden behind a small towel, your bare back, a profile shot (side-boob, yas).
Work your way to the more, ahem, explicit stuff. Treat it like foreplay.
And of course, only send images you are fully on board with sharing. Being pressured is not okay.
Some people prefer to just use their words Fifty Shades-style instead of visuals, and that’s more than fine.
Consider your timing.
Avoid sending your nudes in the middle of the work day. That’s just asking for trouble. But if you absolutely feel compelled to, it’s best to include a little NSFW warning so they know to open your message under the desk.
Delete the evidence.
We’re told there’s no way for us regular technology users to definitively erase files but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t take reasonable steps to keep your photos safe from unwanted eyes.
Remove your photos from the folders on your phone and your PC (including that damn Recently Deleted folder).
It’s way too easy for a friend to accidentally cop an eyeful of a sext. And if you’re intent on keeping them, consider loading them onto a secret USB.
Want some sex advice? We have a podcast for that. It’s called the Prude and the Pornstar. Listen here:
There’s an app for that.
If you’re very worried about your images getting out, there are a tonne of apps out there that make for safer sexting with nifty features like self-destruction a la Snapchat or requiring recipients to enter a password to view a picture.
Drunk sexting is bad.
Just don’t. Unless you’re prepared to face the shame/lols in the morning.
Have fun with it.
I might have just flooded you with you info but truly there really isn’t a whole lot to it. Treat sexting as a game with a great build-up. And always remember to laugh at your inevitable bloopers. And love your body!
(NB: I’m still not a highly-evolved sex deity. And I’m okay with that.)