I will preface this by acknowledging I have been a bad friend more times than I can count.
I’m the idiot who will open your message and not reply for four days if I don’t do it the minute I see it. I’ll borrow clothes and not give them back for about six months as they mindlessly sit in my own wardrobe, collecting dust and not outings. My memory is getting more shot as I get older and most birthdays I will only remember because Zuckerburg sends me a push notification when I wake up.
Up until about 18 months ago, I wouldn’t share anything, either. I’m not talking food or clothes or even money. I mean the simple exchange of information.
Amid the forgetfulness, the tendencies to err on the vague side of life, and my propensity to give unhelpful advice, it was this one, underlying flaw that has impacted my relationships more than anything else.
Watch: Rebecca Sparrow and Robin Bailey on friendship. Post continues after video.
Growing up, I held this deeply misguided idea that withholding your deepest fears, worries and causes of stress from those around you was the maketh of a good human — of the best kind of human.
Top Comments
The reactions of your friends 'floored' you - not 'flawed' you....but I agree; I enjoy it when my friends share what is going on in their lives. Sometimes I help out - sometimes I just listen and empathise but like others posted below, it's important to not keep making the same mistakes and then complaining about them to others. It's fine to share but there is a big difference between venting and just plain old whinging.
Looking at that list of what makes a good friend and i realise that i probably don't have anyone who ticks those boxes in my friendship circle. In the last year i have been going through some stuff and initially i kept it to myself but decided i needed some support so told a few friends. I didn't expect them to solve my issue, they can't but i did want someone to say "yep, that is shit. I am so sorry you are dealing with this". Instead i have been virtually ignored and left to deal with it alone, all because it is too hard or they can't identify or they just don't have the time to "be there". Makes me sad and feel so isolated.
I totally understand Elli, I have the same issue. Although I do have 1 friend who has been there for me at all hours of the day and night. The people who I thought would be there (as I have been for them) have distanced themselves completely. You really do find out who your friends are in times of need.