It may surprise you that my dad was the first person I went to for some ‘field research’ when I wanted to know more about anal sex.
“I love it…the hole is much tighter, ” he answered.
My dad is pretty out there. I grew up in a very free-spirited and open home and no topics are off limits. But, his comments still made me question whether most men view anal sex in the same way and why there is still a veil of secrecy about who does it and why they choose to.
It’s a concept which I myself have been grappling with in recent times. As a female in her 20’s, I’ve experienced the initially subtle, then not so subtle requests for anal sex. I’ve had the same boyfriend for five years, so nothing is really ‘off limits’ sexually. Regrettably, I’ve never done it. I use the word regrettable because I know how much he wants to “stick it where it don’t belong”. But I’ve tried, I really have, and it’s a sensation I loathe more than the biting sting of a paper cut. I often wish I didn’t feel that way because I’m completely open to the idea…it’s just not for me.
I interviewed my boyfriend for the purpose of this article. I think I kind of caught him off guard when I asked him about past relationships. But, after careful and calculated explanation, he understood it was necessary. He told me that anal sex for him is an addition to sex that makes it just that “bit more naughty” and that of the seven women he’s has done it with, five were the initiators.
“I had one girlfriend I saw briefly, and I only had sex with her vaginally twice. She only wanted to do anal…Most of the girls felt like it was empowering and that the orgasm was more intense,” he said.
Hear Madison talk with ‘prude’ Carla GS on The Prude and The Pornstar about everything butt sex related… (Post continues after audio.)
I was definitely surprised by his answer. I must admit to having preconceived ideas about women rarely being the initiators or askers of anal sex – my own experiences had led me to narcissistically believe that most women viewed it as an unappealing present they’d sometimes give their boyfriend on his birthday or anniversary (like I had attempted to do innumerable times). In fact, it became a running joke between us every time he’d turn a year older. “Am I going to finally get the bum-bum tonight Sophia?” For the first three years my response was always, “yes. If you get me really wasted and walk me through it, you can have the bum-bum darling.” I’d keep my word until it came to the moment of actual penetration and then withdraw everything I had so confidently promised. But, in recent years we’ve come to a mutual understanding that it’s probably never going to happen. And, he’s cool with that. But, what I want to know is how other Australian women view it: Do they feel the same way as I do?
A very close girlfriend of mine does not share my view. Interviewing her I realised that anal sex is something that women can want and desire.
“Physiologically, it makes sense that we should enjoy it. The sensation is different to vaginal sex but I often find it’s easier to orgasm because it’s closer to the g-spot,” she said.