beauty

Welcome to 2017, where you can pay $200 to be shamed by a hairbrush.

Think, for a moment, about the most useless invention you could possibly imagine. Is it… a hairbrush with a built-in accelerometer that tells your smartphone how fast you are brushing your locks?

If so, you’re in for a rude shock, because apparently it’s already been invented. Surprise!

Meet the Kérastase Hair Coach Powered by Withings, which is being heralded as the world’s first-ever “smart hairbrush”.

Because that’s just what we need in 2017, apparently.

Retailing at just under $200, and due to be released mid-2017, the hairbrush will tell its user whether they are brushing too vigorously, using too much force or holding their brush properly.

It can even assess your hair’s “frizziness” and “dryness”.

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The hairbrush communicates with a mobile app that, after considering weather factors like humidity, temperature, UV and wind, will give you a “hair health” score out of 100.

That’s… that’s exactly what I need.

It’s as if I don’t get enough shame from my hairdresser about my “dry, split ends” or my “extreme lack of a proper washing routine”, and now I need to be shamed in my own home by a robotic hair appliance.

marcia brushing hair
You do you, Marcia. Image via Paramount Pictures.
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I am well aware that my hair brushing technique is most likely sub par. I'd estimate that to be a solid twenty out of a hundred on the robotic hair rating scale.

Three quick strokes with a hairbrush I found lying on my bench so I can pull loose strands into a ponytail is all I need.

What I don't need? A contraption that tells me that I am brushing my scalp "too vigorously" because I'm about to miss my bus to work and am in a hurry.

No thanks, 2017, I will most definitely pass on your bizarre new invention.

ariel brushing hair disney
Think I'll stick to my own tried and true methods, thanks.
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