Welcome to 2017, where you can pay $200 to be shamed by a hairbrush.

Think, for a moment, about the most useless invention you could possibly imagine. Is it… a hairbrush with a built-in accelerometer that tells your smartphone how fast you are brushing your locks?

If so, you’re in for a rude shock, because apparently it’s already been invented. Surprise!

Meet the Kérastase Hair Coach Powered by Withings, which is being heralded as the world’s first-ever “smart hairbrush”.

Because that’s just what we need in 2017, apparently.

Retailing at just under $200, and due to be released mid-2017, the hairbrush will tell its user whether they are brushing too vigorously, using too much force or holding their brush properly.


It can even assess your hair’s “frizziness” and “dryness”.

The hairbrush communicates with a mobile app that, after considering weather factors like humidity, temperature, UV and wind, will give you a “hair health” score out of 100.

That’s… that’s exactly what I need.

It’s as if I don’t get enough shame from my hairdresser about my “dry, split ends” or my “extreme lack of a proper washing routine”, and now I need to be shamed in my own home by a robotic hair appliance.

marcia brushing hair
You do you, Marcia. Image via Paramount Pictures.

I am well aware that my hair brushing technique is most likely sub par. I'd estimate that to be a solid twenty out of a hundred on the robotic hair rating scale.

Three quick strokes with a hairbrush I found lying on my bench so I can pull loose strands into a ponytail is all I need.

What I don't need? A contraption that tells me that I am brushing my scalp "too vigorously" because I'm about to miss my bus to work and am in a hurry.

No thanks, 2017, I will most definitely pass on your bizarre new invention.

Think I'll stick to my own tried and true methods, thanks.